The table presents how much people from five employment sectors earned, in three different salary levels in 2009.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
This table shows how much employeesshows that employees from five employment sectors earned,in three different income levels in 2009.
Overall,the finance sectordepartment of finance recorded the highest salariesearned the largest salary compared with the other four sectorscompared with other four sectors in 2009,while construction and hospitality earned lower salariestook lower salary than other sectors.
In 2009 ,looking at the average salary in different sectors,finance was the highest ,at £5225.Then the lowest sectorsectors was hospitality at £1895. The other three sectors were in between £1945 and £2712medium income levels.
While construction was the lowest in terms of minimum salarylowest sector in figure for minimum at £790,although it was only lower than transportation by £53. Finance paidfinance paid at £1600,which was more than double that ofmore than doubled than construction,and the figures for manufacturing and hospitality were at £930 and £890.
Looking at the maximum salary across the employment sectorsin employment sector,finance was still the highest-payingstill was the largest paid at £8850,followed by transportation at £4580.It is noticeable that hospitality had the lowest salary at the maximum levelin maximum level at £ 2900. Construction and manufacturing were at £3100 and £3500.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response successfully provides a clear overview and reports key figures across all salary categories from the table. However, its overall effectiveness is limited by sentence fragment structures, inaccurate comparative phrasing, and poor spacing around punctuation marks. Prioritise fixing grammatical structure and fragment sentences to ensure thoughts are logically complete.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features across maximum, minimum, and average salaries are included alongside a clear overview of general trends.
Ensure all relevant figures for middle categories are fully cited rather than summarised vaguely as medium levels.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped by salary category, allowing a clear progression throughout the report.
Avoid starting sentences with subordinating conjunctions like while when there is no main clause attached.
Lexical Resource
Appropriate data vocabulary is used, though word choices like took lower salary or figures for minimum are somewhat awkward.
Incorporate more natural collocations for discussing earnings, such as earned the lowest wage or recorded minimum figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical control is inconsistent, featuring sentence fragments, tense issues, and persistent spacing errors around punctuation.
Eliminate fragment sentences by ensuring subordinating clauses are attached to complete independent clauses.