The graph gives information about employment categories of a country in 2003 and 2013.
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Sample Response
The bar chart compares the information about employment categories of a country in 2003 and 2013.
It is immediately apparent that the adult population in medicaladults population in medical and business fields had a downward trenddownwards change over a decade, while the proportion of people working in education and trainingwhile people worked in education training, the hotel industry, building, self-employment, and unemploymenthotel industry, building, self-employed, and unemployed increased during the time.
Breaking down the data further, it is evident that people worked in business reached its highest recorded value at about 44% of adults population, also comparing with the other six categoriesother four categories in both 2003 and 2013, with the lowest figure for population in hotelhostel industry at around 5% in 2003. The differences between the two yearstwo groups data over these ten yearsin this ten years was that employees in business in 2003 was much higher than that of other categorieswas much more than other categories, at about 45%, which was almost triple that oftriple than self-employed adults.
Employees in education training, self-employed and unemployed more than doubled between 2003 and 2013in 2003 rose to double more than the figure in 2013. The percentages of employed adultsemployment population in medical fields dropped down to aroundround 12%, and the figure for building industry increased from aroundround 12% in 2003 to aroundround 22% in 2013, which showed contrasting trends.showed totally contrast trends.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay correctly identifies overall trends across most categories and includes an overview paragraph. However, data inaccuracies, particularly confusing descriptions of changes between 2003 and 2013, significantly hinder clarity. To improve, focus on double-checking chart values and using precise grammatical structures for comparative trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends are identified in the overview, but the detailed body paragraphs contain inaccurate descriptions of data trends between the two years.
Ensure all reported figures and direction of changes accurately mirror the visual prompt without reversing the years.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged in basic paragraphs, but logical progression is obscured by awkward transitions and confusing sentence construction.
Use clear linking words and structure sentences logically to contrast datasets effectively.
Lexical Resource
A basic range of vocabulary is used, but errors in word formation, spelling, and collocation occur frequently.
Work on correct noun-adj phrases and spelling accuracy, such as using 'adult population' instead of 'adults population'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex attempt structures is visible, but grammatical errors in verb forms and prepositions are frequent.
Practice using standard structures for describing increases and decreases, such as 'increased from X to Y' or 'doubled'.