The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.
Sample Response
The pictures illustrate the ingredients that go into a factory-made fish pie, and the various steps in its production.
The pie contains salmon, peas, sauce and potatoes, and there are ten stages in its manufacture, from delivery to dispatch. One of the ingredients, potato, goes through its own six-stage preparation process before it can be added to the pie.
Potatoes are the first ingredient to be prepared on the production line. They are delivered to the factory up to a month before the process begins, and they must be cleaned, peeled and sliced. Potato peelings are thrown away, and the sliced potatoes are boiled, then chilled and stored.
When fresh salmon arrives at the factory, lemon juice and salt are added, and the fish is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery. Next, factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones, and the fish is inspected. Following inspection, pre-prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added. The resulting fish pies are wrapped, frozen and then stored or dispatched.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task term Original: pictures Suggested revision: diagrams Why it matters: Diagrams is the more precise term for the two visuals in this task.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: ingredients that go into Suggested revision: ingredients used in Why it matters: This phrasing is more concise and suitably formal for a process description.
- 3. Use process vocabulary Original: various steps Suggested revision: stages Why it matters: Stages is the more precise word for steps in a manufacturing process.
- 4. Avoid uncertain count Original: there are ten stages in its manufacture Suggested revision: its manufacture proceeds through a series of stages Why it matters: The visuals contain a main assembly line and a separate potato sequence, so a fixed total is potentially misleading.
- 5. Match plural reference Original: potato, goes Suggested revision: the potatoes, go Why it matters: The diagram and the surrounding paragraph refer to potatoes as a plural ingredient.
- 6. Stay with diagram Original: remove and dispose of Suggested revision: remove Why it matters: The diagram shows removal of the skin and bones but does not explicitly show their disposal.
- 7. Avoid redundant form Original: pre-prepared peas Suggested revision: prepared peas Why it matters: Prepared already conveys that the peas are ready before being added.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: They are delivered to the factory up to a month before the process begins, and they must be cleaned, peeled and sliced. Suggested revision: The potatoes can be delivered up to a month before preparation and are then cleaned, peeled and sliced. Why it matters: This version links the one-month limit more clearly to potato preparation and reports the sequence directly.
- 9. Strengthen process overview Suggested revision: Highlight that potatoes are prepared on a separate line before all ingredients converge for assembly, freezing and dispatch. Why it matters: This would summarize the defining structure of the two linked diagrams more clearly than stage counts alone.
Suggested Rewrites
- pictures diagrams
- ingredients that go into ingredients used in
- various steps stages
- there are ten stages in its manufacture its manufacture proceeds through a series of stages
- potato, goes the potatoes, go
- remove and dispose of remove
Why this response received Band 9.0
This is a highly effective response that gives a clear overview and accurately traces both the potato preparation and the main fish-pie production sequence, using precise, natural language and smooth progression. Its main limitation is that the finished pie's microwaveable container is not explicitly identified; the highest-priority refinement is to include that final product detail while preserving the same concise, well-organised coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately covers the ingredients, parallel preparation stages, timings, waste removal, and final production steps.
For absolute completeness, explicitly identify the microwaveable container shown in the finished-pie diagram.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses effortlessly from the overview through potato preparation to the salmon line, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Maintain this concise sequencing while making any added final-product detail fit seamlessly into the closing sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is precise, varied, and consistently appropriate for describing an industrial process.
A minor refinement would be to use the plural form in the phrase one of the ingredients, potatoes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with punctuation and clause control maintained throughout.
Continue checking small number-agreement choices when a singular grammatical frame refers to an ingredient normally named in the plural.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.