The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.
Sample Response
This diagram shows that there are a number of processes involved in the commercial production of frozen fish pies. The main ingredients consist of fresh salmon, peas and sauce, with sliced potatoes, and they are prepared separately. The potatoes, which may have been delivered up to a month in advance, are cleaned, peeled and cut into slices. The slices are boiled and then chilled before being stored until needed. The preparation of the fish is more labour intensive than the preparation of the potatoes. Within twelve hours of being delivered to the factory, the fresh fish is cooked by being steamed with lemon juice and salt. Then the skin and bones are removed by hand and disposed of, before a visual inspection takes place.
After this, the pies are assembled in microwaveable containers Peas and sauce, which have also been prepared, are added to the fish and then the pie is covered with a layer of cooked potato slices. The pies are then wrapped and frozen. At this point they are ready for dispatch, or they may be stored at the factory before being dispatched.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the plural Original: This diagram Suggested revision: These diagrams Why it matters: The task contains both a product diagram and a production-line diagram.
- 2. Name the sequence precisely Original: a number of processes Suggested revision: a series of stages Why it matters: A manufacturing diagram presents a sequence of stages rather than several separate processes.
- 3. Fix the predicate Original: ingredients consist of Suggested revision: ingredients are Why it matters: The ingredients themselves do not consist of the items listed; they are those items.
- 4. Coordinate the final item Original: with Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Using 'and' integrates potatoes clearly into the ingredient list.
- 5. Use process tense Original: which may have been delivered Suggested revision: which may be delivered Why it matters: The present passive is more suitable for describing a general production process.
- 6. Remove redundant wording Original: cooked by being steamed Suggested revision: steamed Why it matters: Steaming already expresses the cooking method, so the longer passive phrase is unnecessary.
- 7. Separate the sentences Original: containers Peas Suggested revision: containers. Peas Why it matters: A full stop is required between the completed assembly clause and the next sentence.
- 8. Maintain plural agreement Original: the Suggested revision: each Why it matters: The singular noun phrase should identify one item from the previously mentioned plural pies.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: The preparation of the fish is more labour intensive than the preparation of the potatoes. Suggested revision: The fish is prepared separately from the potatoes. Why it matters: The diagram shows separate preparation lines but does not provide evidence about their relative labour intensity.
- 10. Add a process overview Suggested revision: Add a concise overview identifying the separate potato and salmon preparation streams and their convergence before wrapping and freezing. Why it matters: A clear overview would make the main structure and endpoint of the process immediately apparent.
Suggested Rewrites
- This diagram These diagrams
- a number of processes a series of stages
- ingredients consist of ingredients are
- with and
- which may have been delivered which may be delivered
- cooked by being steamed steamed
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents the production sequence comprehensively, selecting the key timings, preparation stages, assembly, freezing and dispatch details with strong clarity. Its main limitation is a small amount of imprecision in expression and sentence control, especially the claim about relative labour intensity and the missing stop after 'containers.' The highest-priority improvement is to keep interpretations strictly visual and proofread sentence boundaries while preserving the effective chronological organization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers the separate potato and salmon preparation lines, assembly, wrapping, freezing, storage and dispatch, with a useful opening overview.
Avoid unsupported interpretation by replacing the comparison of labour intensity with an explicitly visible contrast between the two preparation sequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The description follows the process in a highly coherent sequence, with effective referencing and a clear transition into final assembly.
Separate the overview from the detailed potato and fish stages so the process structure is even easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise process vocabulary, including 'steamed,' 'visual inspection,' 'assembled' and 'dispatched,' conveys the stages concisely.
Refine the awkward construction 'ingredients consist of' to 'main ingredients are' while maintaining the same technical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex passive and relative-clause structures are handled accurately throughout, apart from a missing sentence boundary and a few minor phrasing slips.
Proofread punctuation at clause and sentence boundaries, especially by adding a full stop after 'microwaveable containers.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.