The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Sample Response
The Hawaiian island chain, in the centre of the Pacific Ocean, is approximately 2,700 km in length. It is formed of volcanoes and the active ones are at the south-east tip of the archipelago, where Hawaii itself is located. It is believed that the chain began to form nearly 80 million years ago. Each island started to evolve after an eruption on the sea floor. First, a `hot spot’ existed on the ocean bed, which let out a plume of material called magma. This magma may originate as deep as 2,883km below the ocean bed. Next, further eruptions took place, which built up the volcano. Eventually, it emerged above the surface of the ocean. Since that time, the spume of magma has remained static as the Pacific tectonic plate moves in a north-west direction across it at a speed of 7-9cm per year. As it moves, a volcano forms as it passes over the hotspot and then become inactive when it has passed it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct phrase Original: formed of volcanoes Suggested revision: formed through volcanic activity Why it matters: The diagram shows volcanic activity creating the island chain.
- 2. Identify the youngest volcanoes Original: the active ones Suggested revision: the youngest active volcanoes Why it matters: The diagram specifically contrasts the youngest volcanoes at the south-east tip with the oldest volcanoes to the north-west.
- 3. Match the quotation marks Original: `hot spot’ Suggested revision: ‘hot spot’ Why it matters: The opening and closing quotation marks should form a matching pair.
- 4. Use a precise process verb Original: let out Suggested revision: released Why it matters: ‘Released’ is more precise and appropriately formal for describing the magma plume.
- 5. Report the shown fact Original: may originate Suggested revision: originates Why it matters: The diagram presents the 2,883-kilometre depth as a stated feature rather than a possibility.
- 6. Keep the process tense Original: took Suggested revision: take Why it matters: The general process should remain in the present tense for consistent sequencing.
- 7. Keep terminology consistent Original: spume of magma Suggested revision: magma plume Why it matters: ‘Magma plume’ is clearer and matches the term introduced earlier in the response.
- 8. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: become Suggested revision: becomes Why it matters: The singular subject ‘a volcano’ requires ‘becomes’.
- 9. Resolve the pronouns Original: when it has passed it Suggested revision: after the plate has carried it beyond the hot spot Why it matters: Naming the plate and hot spot removes the ambiguous repeated pronouns.
- 10. Make the measurement concise Original: approximately 2,700 km in length Suggested revision: approximately 2,700 km long Why it matters: The shorter construction reports the chain's length more directly.
- 11. Avoid unsupported attribution Original: It is believed that Suggested revision: The diagram indicates that Why it matters: The age is presented directly in the visual rather than as a reported belief.
- 12. Describe formation precisely Original: Each island started to evolve Suggested revision: Each island begins to form Why it matters: ‘Begins to form’ is more precise for the first stage of this general process.
Suggested Rewrites
- formed of volcanoes formed through volcanic activity
- the active ones the youngest active volcanoes
- `hot spot’ ‘hot spot’
- let out released
- may originate originates
- took take
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives an accurate, detailed account of both the Hawaiian chain and the volcanic formation process, using precise technical vocabulary and a clear chronological sequence. The main weakness is presentation: the entire account appears as one paragraph, which obscures the distinction between the broad overview and the process stages. Divide the response into an overview and logically grouped detail paragraphs while correcting the isolated agreement error.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The key geographical context, stationary hot spot, plate movement, eruption sequence, depth, speed, and age are reported accurately and comprehensively.
Make the overall mechanism explicit in a separate overview by linking the stationary hot spot to the moving Pacific plate and successive islands.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account follows a clear sequence and uses temporal links effectively, but the single-paragraph format limits structural clarity.
Separate the chain overview from the step-by-step formation process and the explanation of plate movement.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise topic vocabulary, including 'archipelago', 'magma', 'tectonic plate', and 'hot spot', is used effectively.
Maintain this precision while preferring standard terms such as 'plume of magma' consistently throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are handled with strong control, and nearly all sentences are error-free.
Correct the isolated agreement error by writing that a volcano 'becomes inactive' after passing the hot spot.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.