The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years.
Sample Response
The pie charts outline the percentages of holidaymakers from a particular region in terms of their preference of accommodation over a span of four decades, starting from 1965. It is noticeable that people shifted their tendency to stay at a friend or relative’s house in favour of staying in a hotel. As is given in the illustration, 55% holidaymakers stayed with friends and relatives in 1965 while 16% preferred to stay in hotels. Camping and caravans were picked by 15% and 14% respectively in this year for their lodging during their holidays.
After two decades, people who stayed at a relative or friend’s house dropped to 35% while 37% stayed in hotels. Preference of camping increased by 3% while caravan use declined.
Finally, in 2005, fewer percentages of people stayed with friends and relatives during their vacation and 38% favoured hotel accommodation. This year camping was their least ideal option while caravan’s use doubled than that of 1985.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural phrase Original: preference of accommodation Suggested revision: accommodation preferences Why it matters: The noun phrase “accommodation preferences” is the natural way to express this idea.
- 2. Clarify the shift Original: shifted their tendency to stay Suggested revision: shifted from staying Why it matters: “Shifted from” clearly introduces the option that became less popular.
- 3. Add the partitive preposition Original: 55% holidaymakers Suggested revision: 55% of holidaymakers Why it matters: A percentage followed by a noun group requires “of”.
- 4. Use a smoother reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: that year Why it matters: “That year” refers back to 1965 more naturally.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The noun “preference” takes “for” when naming the preferred activity.
- 6. Describe the proportion correctly Original: fewer percentages of people Suggested revision: a smaller proportion of people Why it matters: A percentage can be smaller, while “fewer” applies to countable people.
- 7. Use chart vocabulary Original: ideal Suggested revision: popular Why it matters: The chart measures popularity by proportion rather than how ideal an option was.
- 8. Correct the comparison Original: caravan’s use doubled than that of 1985 Suggested revision: caravan use doubled compared with 1985 Why it matters: “Doubled compared with” gives the correct comparative construction, and “caravan use” needs no possessive.
- 9. Use the chart measure Original: percentages Suggested revision: proportions Why it matters: “Proportions” matches the measure represented by the pie-chart segments.
- 10. Name the full period Original: over a span of four decades, starting from 1965 Suggested revision: over the 40-year period from 1965 to 2005 Why it matters: The revision identifies both endpoints shown in the charts.
- 11. Use a concise expression Original: at a friend or relative’s house Suggested revision: with friends or relatives Why it matters: This wording matches the accommodation category directly and avoids unnecessary detail.
- 12. Complete the shift pattern Original: in favour of staying in a hotel Suggested revision: to staying in hotels Why it matters: Together with “shifted from”, “to staying” completes the parallel construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- preference of accommodation accommodation preferences
- shifted their tendency to stay shifted from staying
- 55% holidaymakers 55% of holidaymakers
- in this year that year
- of for
- fewer percentages of people a smaller proportion of people
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview of the shift from staying with friends or relatives towards hotels and reports most proportions accurately across the three years. Its main limitation is that several later figures are expressed vaguely, especially the 2005 shares and the 1985 caravan figure, while some collocations sound unnatural. To improve, state those percentages explicitly and use more natural comparison phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate comparisons cover the principal change, although some figures for 1985 and 2005 are omitted or left vague.
Include the missing 1985 caravan share and state the 2005 proportions for friends or relatives, camping, and caravans explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised by year, with clear progression and generally effective referencing and linking.
Make the overview a distinct unit and connect the later-year comparisons without relying mainly on chronological signposts.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied enough for the task, but collocations such as 'shifted their tendency' and 'fewer percentages of people' reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as 'preferences shifted', 'a smaller proportion', and 'twice the 1985 figure'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence structures are generally well controlled, with only occasional article, noun-phrase, and comparative-form errors.
Review articles and comparison structures, especially phrases such as '55% of holidaymakers' and 'double the 1985 proportion'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.