The graph below presents the number of different airline flights coming to Hong Kong per week in 1980 and 2000. Number of flights coming to Hong Kong per week
Sample Response
The bar chart shows the number of incoming flights from eight airlines to Hong Kong per week in 1980 and 2000. Overall, in 2000, Hong Kong received significantly more flights from these airlines compared to 1980. Besides, in 1980, the majority of the flights came from Singapore, whereas in 2000, Singapore, Malaysia and Thai, all three airlines were the major contributors. According to the data, in 1980, 16 flights arrived from Singapore per week. Japan Airlines and Thai airways landed 12 flights. Flights from Malaysian Airlines and Korean Air were marginally lower than Thai, as these airlines sent 11 different flights to Hong Kong. 8 Cathey Pacific flights landed in Hong Kong airport and the least number of flights came from Canada, weekly 2 flights only. Interestingly, Dragon Air had no presence in 1980. On the other hand, in 2000, Singapore, Malaysia and Thai sent the highest number of flights to Hong Kong, around 44 flights weekly. The flight coming from Japan was three times more than what it was in 1980. Besides, the number of incoming Cathey Pacific and Korean Air flights almost doubled. Moreover, weekly 5 flights landed in Hong Kong which departed from Canda. Finally, Hong Kong received 10 flights from Dragon Air.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct year comparison Original: compared to 1980 Suggested revision: than in 1980 Why it matters: Than in is the more direct structure after significantly more flights.
- 2. Remove weak transition Original: Besides, in 1980 Suggested revision: In 1980 Why it matters: Besides does not express a useful logical relationship at the start of the year-specific detail.
- 3. Describe highest figure Original: the majority of the flights Suggested revision: the highest number of flights Why it matters: Singapore had the largest individual figure in 1980, but its 16 flights were not a majority of the total.
- 4. Use airline names Original: Singapore, Malaysia and Thai, all three airlines Suggested revision: Singapore Airlines, Malaysia Airlines and Thai Airways Why it matters: These are the airline names shown by the chart, and the inserted phrase all three airlines is unnecessary.
- 5. Match airline label Original: Malaysian Suggested revision: Malaysia Why it matters: The chart labels the carrier as Malaysia Airlines.
- 6. Use operated flights Original: sent 11 different flights Suggested revision: each operated 11 weekly flights Why it matters: Airlines operate flights, and the chart does not indicate that the flights were different types.
- 7. Spell airline correctly Original: 8 Cathey Pacific flights Suggested revision: Eight Cathay Pacific flights Why it matters: Cathay is misspelled, and a sentence should not begin with a numeral in this context.
- 8. Name airline precisely Original: the least number of flights came from Canada Suggested revision: Canadian Air operated the fewest flights Why it matters: The chart identifies an airline, Canadian Air, rather than the country Canada.
- 9. Fix frequency order Original: weekly 2 flights only Suggested revision: only two per week Why it matters: The natural order places only before the number and per week after it.
- 10. State zero flights Original: Dragon Air had no presence Suggested revision: Dragon Air operated no flights Why it matters: The revision states the chart's zero value directly and precisely.
- 11. Use time contrast Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The paragraph is contrasting years rather than opposing arguments.
- 12. Use plural ranking Original: sent the highest number of flights Suggested revision: operated the highest numbers of flights Why it matters: Three airlines had separate leading figures, so numbers should be plural and operated is the appropriate verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- compared to 1980 than in 1980
- Besides, in 1980 In 1980
- the majority of the flights the highest number of flights
- Singapore, Malaysia and Thai, all three airlines Singapore Airlines, Malaysia Airlines and Thai Airways
- Malaysian Malaysia
- sent 11 different flights each operated 11 weekly flights
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report is strongest in its comprehensive and accurate use of the chart data, including clear comparisons between the two years and useful proportional changes. The main limitation is that the whole response forms one dense paragraph and contains several awkward or imprecise grammatical constructions. The highest-priority improvement is to group the two years into separate detail paragraphs and refine comparisons so airlines, flights, and numerical changes are expressed consistently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview is clear and nearly every airline is covered with accurate figures or valid comparisons.
Describe Singapore as providing the highest number rather than the majority in 1980, since it did not exceed half of all flights.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a clear year-by-year sequence with effective signposting, but the absence of paragraph divisions makes the report dense.
Place the overview, 1980 details, and 2000 details in separate paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied comparative and aviation vocabulary, though a few choices and airline names are imprecise.
Use consistent terms such as operated flights and number of weekly flights, and copy all airline names accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and comparisons are used with some flexibility, but agreement, comparison structure, and word-order errors recur.
Revise comparative clauses and plural references, especially constructions describing flights as double or triple earlier figures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below presents the number of different airline flights coming to Hong Kong per week in 1980 and 2000. Number of flights coming to Hong Kong per week
Your response
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