The chart below shows information about changes in average house prices in five different cities between 1990 and 2002 compared with the average house prices in 1989. Percentage change in average house prices in five different cities 1990 - 2002 compared with 1989.
Sample Response
The bar chart shows data on the changes in the prices of houses in two spans of periods, 1990 – 1995 and 1996 – 2002 compared to the prices of 1989. As is presented in the bar graph, prices of the house got down in New York, Tokyo and London during 1990 to 1995 while the prices increased in London & New York during 1996 to 2002 compared to the prices of those houses in 1989. According to the bar graph, the prices of houses in Madrid and Frankfurt increased by 2-3% during 1990 – 1995 while the prices decreased in New York, Tokyo and London by 5 to 8% in the same period compared to the prices of those houses in 1989. Interestingly during the period 1996 to 2002, the prices in all cities except Frankfurt increased. Price increases of housing were 5% in New York, 4% Madrid, and over 11% in London compared to their prices in 1989. The only city where the prices decreased in 1996 to 2002 compared to the previous 5 years was Frankfurt.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise term Original: changes in the prices of houses Suggested revision: changes in house prices Why it matters: House prices is the standard concise expression for this measure.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: two spans of periods Suggested revision: two periods Why it matters: Spans of periods is redundant and unnatural.
- 3. Clarify comparison base Original: compared to the prices of 1989 Suggested revision: compared with 1989 levels Why it matters: The revision states the baseline more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Use direct reporting Original: According to the bar graph Suggested revision: The chart shows that Why it matters: This creates a more direct link to the reported data.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: the prices of houses in Madrid and Frankfurt Suggested revision: house prices in Madrid and Frankfurt Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase is more natural in data reporting.
- 6. Format the range Original: by 2-3% Suggested revision: by 2–3% Why it matters: An en dash is appropriate for a numerical range.
- 7. Fix time expression Original: during 1990 – 1995 Suggested revision: between 1990 and 1995 Why it matters: Between requires the paired form between X and Y.
- 8. Strengthen contrast Original: while the prices decreased Suggested revision: whereas prices fell Why it matters: Whereas marks the contrast clearly, and fell is more concise.
- 9. Report range clearly Original: by 5 to 8% Suggested revision: by roughly 5–8% Why it matters: The chart values are approximate and are better presented as a compact range.
- 10. Use temporal phrasing Original: in the same period Suggested revision: over the same period Why it matters: Over is more natural for change across a period.
- 11. Clarify baseline Original: compared to the prices of those houses in 1989 Suggested revision: compared with their 1989 levels Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward reference to those houses and states the baseline concisely.
- 12. Use natural noun phrase Original: Price increases of housing Suggested revision: House-price increases Why it matters: The original phrase does not naturally describe changes in property prices.
Suggested Rewrites
- changes in the prices of houses changes in house prices
- two spans of periods two periods
- compared to the prices of 1989 compared with 1989 levels
- According to the bar graph The chart shows that
- the prices of houses in Madrid and Frankfurt house prices in Madrid and Frankfurt
- by 2-3% by 2–3%
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response organises the two periods clearly and accurately reports several major movements, particularly the sharp rise in London and the first-period falls. Its account of 1996–2002 is weakened by saying that every city except Frankfurt rose, when Tokyo fell and Frankfurt rose, and by omitting their correct figures. Check the direction and value for every series before forming the overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The first period and several major figures are reported accurately, but the overview and details for Tokyo and Frankfurt in 1996–2002 are substantially incorrect.
Check all five cities in both periods and state that Tokyo remained below the 1989 level while Frankfurt recorded a slight increase.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a generally clear period-by-period progression, although repetition and the lack of paragraph breaks weaken organisation.
Use a separate overview and one detail paragraph for each period, with comparisons grouped consistently.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for describing changes, but several phrases are repetitive or unnatural, such as got down and spans of periods.
Use precise trend language such as fell, rose, remained below, and percentage-point change.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but errors in articles, prepositions, and comparative phrasing occur regularly.
Review noun phrases and comparison structures, including forms such as a 4% rise in Madrid and compared with 1989.