The charts below show the number of working hours per week in the industrial sector in four European countries in 2002.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The four bar charts illustrate the proportion of working hours per week in the industrial sector in four European countries in 2002.
Overall, the percentagepercentege of the workers in DenmarkDenmar, Sweden and the UK worked about 36-40 hours per week was almost the highest, while in France working for 31-35 hours was31-35 was the most common choice. Sweden had the lowest percentage of working 46-50 hours per week, while the UK had the highest proportionproprotion of working over 50 hours per week.
In Sweden, 80% of workers worked about 36-40 hours per week, followed by approximately 69% in Denmark. These figuresAnd the figures in the two countries were much higher than those in FranceFance and the UK. The former was nearly 36%, the latter was 50%. Except in France, 36–40 hours was the most common working-hour range. In France, working for 31-35 hours accounted for around 39%, nearly 4 percentage points higher than the figure for 36-40 hours.
The UK had the highest percentage of workers working over 50 hours per week. The figure stood at 20%, nearly twice that of the other three countries. Sweden recorded the lowest percentage for the 46–50-hour group, at about 8%, while the figures for France and the UK were both close to 20%.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear visual summary with an effective overview and well-selected data comparisons across the four countries. Its main limitation lies in frequent minor typos and occasional grammatical structure errors, such as comma splices and mixed clauses. Proofreading carefully to eliminate mechanical errors and refine complex sentence grammar will elevate the overall quality.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response clearly identifies key trends, provides a comprehensive overview, and supports main features with accurate figures.
Ensure all minor comparative categories across all four charts are fully verified to maintain high data precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically into distinct paragraphs, with a clear flow of progression throughout the description.
Vary linking expressions beyond simple repetition to make transitions between sentence details even smoother.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used to describe proportions and data ranges, though noticeble spelling errors occur.
Proofread thoroughly to correct routine spelling mistakes such as missing letters in place names and key terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex sentences is attempted, though structural inaccuracies like comma splices and faulty relative clauses remain present.
Focus on joining independent clauses correctly using appropriate conjunctions or semicolons instead of commas.