The line graph shows the average monthly salary of Japanese people (in yen) and the prices of black-and-white televisions and colour televisions from 1953 to 1973.
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the average monthly salary of Japanese people and the prices of black-and-white televisions and colour televisions between 1953 and 1973.
Overall, the average monthly salary rose consistently throughoutcontinued to rise throughout the period. On the other hand, the prices of black-and-white televisions and colour televisions continued to drop atwith different rates.
The average monthly salary stood at approximately 30,000 yen in 1953, then continued to rise, at 40,000 yen in 1958, finally reachingpeaking at 180,000 yen in 1973, while the corresponding figure increased faster every five years.
Turning to television costs, the pricesNevertheless, the prices of black-and-white televisions and colour televisions declined steadilykept dropping. The price of colour TVsTV stood at 180,000 yen in 1958, then continued to decrease to around 90,000 yen in 197390,000 yen 1973, while it matched the averageshared the same figure with monthly salary in 1968, at 100,000 yen. MeanwhileBesides, the price of black-and-white TVsTV continued to decrease, recording a low of about 3538,000 yen in 1973. In addition, the figureAlso, the figure for black-and-white TV was higher than the average monthly salaryhigher than monthly salary before 1963, at 60,000 yen in 1963, then duedut to the decrease of its price, it was lower than the monthly salary.lower than monthly salary.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear overview and accurately identifies key comparative points, such as key intersections between salaries and television prices. However, the report is limited by awkward sentence structures and repeated minor mechanical errors that disrupt smooth reading. To improve, focus on polishing complex sentence structures and refining vocabulary for describing trends and values precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and highlights main features along with key intersection points across the period.
Ensure all key data points and dates are accurately aligned, particularly noting starting years for specific series like colour TVs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized in paragraphs, though transition words like 'nevertheless' and 'besides' are occasionally used inappropriately.
Use cohesive devices more naturally to show contrast or addition without creating awkward transitions between sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the necessary trend and data language, but relies on repeating basic phrases and contains minor typos.
Vary lexical choices for describing increases, decreases, and intersections to avoid repetition throughout the report.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, though punctuation and structural errors are noticeable.
Practice constructing multi-clause complex sentences accurately, paying close attention to prepositions and comma splices.