The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
Sample Response
The diagrammatic description is about different stages of a salmon fish's life. Overall, there are six stages in the lifecycle of salmon - starting from eggs to adult fish. To start with, after mating, female fish lays eggs. These eggs are laid in multiple and are kept further for an incubation period. Once the incubation time is over, they undergo emergence with the formation of body and head of the fish. Later they are transformed into infant salmon, and for further rearing, these proceed to an estuary. However, from the bay, they enter into the ocean to grow and mature. The next two cycles occur in the ocean. They take food and keep on growing further till these small fishes attain the proper size of salmon. As soon as they reach their adolescence and maturity, they start the journey back to river water for spawning. Then they swim all the way from the ocean to river to regenerate. Once again in the river, these salmons start reproducing, and the life cycle continues in the same way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct chart verb Original: diagrammatic description is about Suggested revision: diagram illustrates Why it matters: Illustrates is the natural academic verb for describing what a diagram shows.
- 2. Correct stage count Original: six stages Suggested revision: eight main stages Why it matters: The visual labels eight stages from spawning through migration back to the spawning area.
- 3. Add missing article Original: female fish lays eggs Suggested revision: a female fish lays eggs Why it matters: A singular countable noun requires an article when introduced generally.
- 4. Use natural quantity phrase Original: multiple Suggested revision: groups Why it matters: In multiple is not an idiomatic way to describe the cluster of eggs shown.
- 5. Use process terminology Original: transformed into infant salmon Suggested revision: develop into young salmon Why it matters: Develop into accurately describes growth, while infant salmon is not the appropriate term here.
- 6. Restore freshwater stage Original: for further rearing, these proceed to an estuary Suggested revision: they are reared in freshwater before proceeding to an estuary Why it matters: The diagram places freshwater rearing between emergence and estuary rearing.
- 7. Use sequence linker Original: However Suggested revision: Afterward Why it matters: This sentence continues the process sequence rather than introducing a contrast.
- 8. Name correct habitat Original: bay Suggested revision: estuary Why it matters: The visual identifies this habitat as the estuary, not a bay.
- 9. Remove extra preposition Original: enter into the ocean Suggested revision: enter the ocean Why it matters: Enter takes a direct object and does not need into here.
- 10. Call them stages Original: cycles Suggested revision: stages Why it matters: Growth and migration are stages within one life cycle, not separate cycles.
- 11. Use precise verb Original: take food Suggested revision: feed Why it matters: Feed is the natural verb for animals consuming food.
- 12. Correct fish plural Original: fishes Suggested revision: fish Why it matters: Fish is the standard plural when referring to multiple animals of the same kind.
Suggested Rewrites
- diagrammatic description is about diagram illustrates
- six stages eight main stages
- female fish lays eggs a female fish lays eggs
- multiple groups
- transformed into infant salmon develop into young salmon
- for further rearing, these proceed to an estuary they are reared in freshwater before proceeding to an estuary
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response communicates the cyclical nature of salmon development and presents the broad movement from river to estuary, ocean, and back to the river in a logical sequence. Its main weakness is incomplete and sometimes inaccurate representation of the labelled stages, especially freshwater rearing and the stated stage count. The priority is to follow every labelled stage precisely and avoid adding unsupported biological descriptions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main cycle and most environments are covered, but the overview miscounts the stages and freshwater rearing is not clearly reported.
Trace each labelled stage in order, including freshwater and estuary rearing, both migrations, growth and maturation, and spawning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages are presented in a clear chronological sequence with effective overall progression around the cycle.
Group the river, estuary, and ocean phases into distinct paragraphs and avoid connectors such as 'However' where no contrast exists.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the process, but several choices such as 'regenerate', 'cycles', and 'laid in multiple' are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use the diagram's precise process terms and natural collocations such as 'lay eggs', 'rear in freshwater', 'mature', and 'return to spawn'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures and remains clear, although article, agreement, preposition, and plural-form errors recur.
Check countable nouns and agreement carefully, particularly forms such as 'a female fish lays eggs' and the uncountable species noun 'salmon'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.