The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
Sample Response
The diagram depicts the life cycle of salmon fish dividing it into different stages, from its egg stage till adulthood. Overall, a salmon fish goes through six main phases to fully grow from their hatching period and they spend their lives in three distinct locations – river, estuary and ocean. Adult salmon fishes lay eggs in rivers and incubate their eggs there. Thus the life cycle of a salmon fish springs from the incubation stage in a river. After emerging from eggs, the infant salmon spend their next stage in freshwater and this phase is called emergence. Then they stay in freshwater to grow further. After a few days, these fishes swim to river estuaries where their rearing continues. At this stage, their size becomes a bit larger. Afterwards, the maturing fishes migrate to the ocean and become adults. Finally, grownup salmons move to the river for spawning and lay eggs. Thus the life cycle of the next generation starts over.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural species name Original: life cycle of salmon fish Suggested revision: life cycle of salmon Why it matters: "Salmon" alone is the natural noun for the species.
- 2. Use formal preposition Original: till Suggested revision: to Why it matters: "To adulthood" is more concise and appropriate for a process description.
- 3. Avoid inaccurate count Original: six main phases Suggested revision: a sequence of stages Why it matters: The diagram labels more than six distinct stages, so the stated count is inaccurate.
- 4. Identify starting stage Original: from their hatching period Suggested revision: from the egg stage Why it matters: The cycle begins with egg incubation rather than with a hatching period.
- 5. Correct fish plural Original: Adult salmon fishes Suggested revision: Adult salmon Why it matters: "Salmon" is the appropriate plural form here.
- 6. Describe incubation accurately Original: incubate their eggs Suggested revision: the eggs enter incubation Why it matters: The diagram presents incubation as the egg stage rather than an action performed by the adult fish.
- 7. Remove invented timing Original: After a few days Suggested revision: Next Why it matters: The visual provides no duration for the freshwater-rearing stage.
- 8. Correct fish plural Original: fishes Suggested revision: fish Why it matters: "Fish" is the standard plural in this general description.
- 9. Use correct noun form Original: grownup salmons Suggested revision: adult salmon Why it matters: "Salmon" does not normally take an -s plural, and "adult" is more formal than "grownup".
- 10. Clarify sentence structure Original: dividing it into different stages Suggested revision: and divides it into different stages Why it matters: A coordinated verb removes the unclear participle attachment.
- 11. Use natural species reference Original: Overall, a salmon fish goes Suggested revision: Overall, salmon go Why it matters: The species can be referred to naturally with the uncountable plural "salmon".
- 12. Clarify pronoun reference Original: they spend their lives Suggested revision: the fish spend their lives Why it matters: The explicit noun removes the shift from singular "a salmon" to plural "they".
Suggested Rewrites
- life cycle of salmon fish life cycle of salmon
- till to
- six main phases a sequence of stages
- from their hatching period from the egg stage
- Adult salmon fishes Adult salmon
- incubate their eggs the eggs enter incubation
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response follows the salmon’s cyclical development clearly across river, estuary, and ocean and covers nearly all the labelled stages in an easy-to-follow sequence. Its overview miscounts the stages, and a few unsupported or vague details weaken precision, while awkward plural forms recur. The main priority is to name and sequence every labelled stage accurately, using concise process language and correct forms of “salmon.”
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The cyclical nature, three locations, and principal stages are described accurately, but the claim of six phases does not match the diagram and “after a few days” is unsupported.
Count and name the labelled stages precisely, including migration to rearing and spawning areas, without adding an unshown timescale.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress logically and linking makes the cycle easy to follow, though presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens the visual organisation.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs covering the early freshwater stages and the later estuary–ocean–river stages.
Lexical Resource
The response uses suitable process vocabulary such as “incubation,” “emergence,” “rearing,” “migrate,” and “spawning,” but some phrasing and forms are unnatural.
Use the uncountable plural “salmon” consistently and replace vague wording such as “becomes a bit larger” with precise stage descriptions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of simple and complex sentences communicates the sequence clearly, although pronoun agreement, article use, and plural formation are not consistently controlled.
Maintain singular or plural reference consistently and revise forms such as “salmon fish,” “their hatching period,” and “grownup salmons.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.