The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram depicts the life cycle of salmonlife cycle of salmon fish and divides it into different stagesdividing it into different stages, from its egg stage totill adulthood. Overall, salmon goOverall, a salmon fish goes through a sequence of stagessix main phases to fully grow from the egg stagefrom their hatching period and the fish spend their livesthey spend their lives in three distinct locations – river, estuary and ocean. Adult salmonAdult salmon fishes lay eggs in rivers and the eggs enter incubationincubate their eggs there. Thus the life cycle of a salmon fish begins withsprings from the incubation stage in a river. After emerging from eggs, the younginfant salmon spend their next stage in freshwater and this phase is called emergence. Then they stay in freshwater to grow further. NextAfter a few days, these fishfishes swim to the estuaryriver estuaries where their rearing continues. At this stage, their size becomes a bit larger. Afterwards, the maturing fishfishes migrate to the ocean and become adults. Finally, adult salmongrownup salmons move to the river for spawning and lay eggs. Thus the life cycle of the next generation starts over.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response follows the salmon’s cyclical development clearly across river, estuary, and ocean and covers nearly all the labelled stages in an easy-to-follow sequence. Its overview miscounts the stages, and a few unsupported or vague details weaken precision, while awkward plural forms recur. The main priority is to name and sequence every labelled stage accurately, using concise process language and correct forms of “salmon.”
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The cyclical nature, three locations, and principal stages are described accurately, but the claim of six phases does not match the diagram and “after a few days” is unsupported.
Count and name the labelled stages precisely, including migration to rearing and spawning areas, without adding an unshown timescale.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress logically and linking makes the cycle easy to follow, though presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens the visual organisation.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs covering the early freshwater stages and the later estuary–ocean–river stages.
Lexical Resource
The response uses suitable process vocabulary such as “incubation,” “emergence,” “rearing,” “migrate,” and “spawning,” but some phrasing and forms are unnatural.
Use the uncountable plural “salmon” consistently and replace vague wording such as “becomes a bit larger” with precise stage descriptions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of simple and complex sentences communicates the sequence clearly, although pronoun agreement, article use, and plural formation are not consistently controlled.
Maintain singular or plural reference consistently and revise forms such as “salmon fish,” “their hatching period,” and “grownup salmons.”