The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The line graphThis chart compares the changes in participant numberschange in the numbers of people engaging in diverse activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia over a 20-year period from 2000 to 2020.
The number of participants in the film club remained stable and stood at about 65 over the whole period. The number of people engaged in martial arts fluctuated and started at 35 between 2000 and 2020.
The number of people engaged in table tennis stood at approximately 16started at 15 and slightly increased from 2000 to 2005, while remainingremained stable from 2005 to 2010. The growth was significant during the period between 2010 and 2020. The number of people who took part in amateur dramalics was about 26 in 2000. From 2000 to 2005, there was a gradualgradually increase. There was a sharp decline from 2005 to 2020 and the figure stood at around 6 in 2020and stood at 5 in 2020. In 2010, the number of people engaged in table tennis and amateur dramaticsdramalics were the same. The number of people engaged in musical performancesperformance grew from 2005 to 2020.
Overall, the number of participants in the film clubin film club and martial arts remained stable. The number of people engaged in amateur dramalics was the only one that declinedonly one declined. The number of people who took partpeople took part in table tennis soared . The number of participants in musical performancesperformance rose over a 15-year period.
Why this response received Band 6.0
文章完整涵盖了折线图的主要趋势,并包含了一个较为清晰的总结段落。然而,主体段落的数据描述不够精确,且存在若干语法结构与拼写错误。建议增加对具体数据点的精准描述,并加强复杂句型的准确度。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章指出了主要趋势并给出了总结,但对部分关键数据点和终点的具体数值描述不够详尽精确。
在描述各项目变化趋势时,应补充具体的起点、终点和交叉点数值,以提高细节描述的完整性。
连贯与衔接
文章分段清晰且具备总体概述,但段落内部句与句之间的连接略显机械,对比过渡不够自然。
多使用表示对比和因果关系的逻辑连接词,使主体段落的数据比较更加连贯流畅。
词汇资源
词汇量足以完成任务表达,但出现了如 "dramalics" 等拼写错误以及词性误用。
加强对专有名词拼写及 "gradual increase" 等固定形容词加名词搭配的准确积累。
语法多样性与准确性
能够使用简单句和部分复合句,但存在非谓语动词遗漏、主谓一致错误及状语从句主语缺失等语法瑕疵。
检查包含 "while" 引导的状语从句和分词短语的句式,确保谓语动词和主语结构完整无误。