The graph below shows the average monthly use of health clubs in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
Sample Response
The bar graph depicts the average monthly use of health in Miami and Florida in the year 2017, and the pie chart illustrates the age of different sex members of the club.
Overall, the bar graph shows that the number of members is highest in the month of June and in Feb it is the least one. The pie diagram shows that 21-45 is the maximum in both age groups.
It is apparent that the bar graph shows fluctuation. In the month of February, it is the least, and in the month of June, it is the highest. The number of females is less than the male in the graph. For the female number, it starts from 500 and reaches an all-time high in the month of AugustAugust; after that, it starts to fall down. For the male, it started from approx 600 and reached a peak of 780 in June after that decline.
Moving to the pie diagram, the age group of 21-45 is 55%of male members and 50% for female members, which is highest than other ones. the age group 65+ is at 25% for the male and 31% for the female, and other is at 20% for male and 19% for female which is least one.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete noun phrase Original: monthly use of health Suggested revision: monthly use of health clubs Why it matters: The graph measures health-club use, not health itself.
- 2. Use plural agreement Original: pie chart illustrates Suggested revision: pie charts illustrate Why it matters: Two pie charts are shown, so both the noun and verb must be plural.
- 3. Use clear category names Original: different sex members Suggested revision: male and female members Why it matters: The visual divides members into male and female groups.
- 4. Describe largest share Original: 21-45 is the maximum Suggested revision: the 21–45 age group has the largest share Why it matters: The category is an age group and represents the largest proportion in both pie charts.
- 5. Use countable plural Original: shows fluctuation Suggested revision: shows monthly fluctuations Why it matters: The graph contains several changes across the months, so the plural noun is more precise.
- 6. Correct comparison form Original: females is less than the male Suggested revision: female usage is lower than male usage Why it matters: The comparison requires parallel singular noun phrases and lower rather than less than a person.
- 7. Express proportion correctly Original: age group of 21-45 is 55%of male members Suggested revision: 21–45 age group accounts for 55% of male members Why it matters: Accounts for correctly links an age group to its proportion of members.
- 8. Use proportion preposition Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Of is required to identify the group represented by the percentage.
- 9. Correct comparative Original: highest than other ones Suggested revision: higher than the other age groups Why it matters: A comparison with than requires higher, and age groups is clearer than ones.
- 10. Capitalise new sentence Original: the age group 65+ Suggested revision: The 65+ age group Why it matters: This phrase begins a new sentence and needs a capital letter and natural word order.
- 11. State share precisely Original: is at 25% for the male Suggested revision: accounts for 25% of male members Why it matters: Accounts for is the appropriate construction for reporting a category's percentage.
- 12. Use precise denominator Original: 31% for the female Suggested revision: 31% of female members Why it matters: This wording clearly states which membership group the figure represents.
Suggested Rewrites
- monthly use of health monthly use of health clubs
- pie chart illustrates pie charts illustrate
- different sex members male and female members
- 21-45 is the maximum the 21–45 age group has the largest share
- shows fluctuation shows monthly fluctuations
- females is less than the male female usage is lower than male usage
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the dominant age group and the broad monthly rise and fall, and it includes several correct pie-chart percentages. However, its monthly account is too general and contains inaccurate peak figures and timing, while frequent language errors reduce precision; the priority is to compare male and female membership with carefully checked values and a more complete overview of the main trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main age pattern and several proportions are accurate, but the monthly overview is incomplete and the male peak value and female peak timing are reported imprecisely.
Check values against the graph and summarise that male use remains higher, both series rise toward mid-year, and membership then generally declines.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear introduction, overview, and separate detail paragraphs, though progression is weakened by repetitive statements and abrupt sentence links.
Group the monthly comparison into one focused paragraph and the age profiles into another, avoiding repetition of the overview.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for trends and proportions, but expressions such as “different sex members,” “highest than,” and “fall down” are imprecise or unnatural.
Use accurate comparative language such as male and female members, the largest proportion, peaked at, and declined thereafter.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but frequent errors in articles, comparison forms, agreement, punctuation, and sentence boundaries limit grammatical control.
Check every comparative and trend sentence for a complete clause, correct articles, and consistent subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the average monthly use of health clubs in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.