The graph below shows the average monthly use of health clubs in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
Sample Response
The bar graph depicts the average monthly use of health clubsmonthly use of health in Miami and Florida in the year 2017, and the pie charts illustratepie chart illustrates the age of male and female membersdifferent sex members of the club.
Overall, the bar graph shows that the number of members is highest in the month of June and in Feb it is the least one. The pie diagram shows that the 21–45 age group has the largest share21-45 is the maximum in both age groups.
It is apparent that the bar graph shows monthly fluctuationsshows fluctuation. In the month of February, it is the least, and in the month of June, it is the highest. The number of female usage is lower than male usagefemales is less than the male in the graph. For the female number, it starts from 500 and reaches an all-time high in the month of AugustAugust; after that, it starts to fall down. For the male, it started from approx 600 and reached a peak of 780 in June after that decline.
Moving to the pie diagram, the 21–45 age group accounts for 55% of male membersage group of 21-45 is 55%of male members and 50% offor female members, which is higher than the other age groupshighest than other ones. The 65+ age groupthe age group 65+ accounts for 25% of male membersis at 25% for the male and 31% of female members31% for the female, and the Others category accounts for 20% of male membersother is at 20% for male and 19% of female members19% for female which are the smallest shareswhich is least one.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the dominant age group and the broad monthly rise and fall, and it includes several correct pie-chart percentages. However, its monthly account is too general and contains inaccurate peak figures and timing, while frequent language errors reduce precision; the priority is to compare male and female membership with carefully checked values and a more complete overview of the main trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main age pattern and several proportions are accurate, but the monthly overview is incomplete and the male peak value and female peak timing are reported imprecisely.
Check values against the graph and summarise that male use remains higher, both series rise toward mid-year, and membership then generally declines.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear introduction, overview, and separate detail paragraphs, though progression is weakened by repetitive statements and abrupt sentence links.
Group the monthly comparison into one focused paragraph and the age profiles into another, avoiding repetition of the overview.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for trends and proportions, but expressions such as “different sex members,” “highest than,” and “fall down” are imprecise or unnatural.
Use accurate comparative language such as male and female members, the largest proportion, peaked at, and declined thereafter.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but frequent errors in articles, comparison forms, agreement, punctuation, and sentence boundaries limit grammatical control.
Check every comparative and trend sentence for a complete clause, correct articles, and consistent subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the average monthly use of health clubs in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.