The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. Worldwide Mobile Phone Sales in 2005 & 2006 (%share of market)
Sample Response
The table data shows the leading mobile phone manufacturers’ global market share in 2005 and 2006. Generally speaking, Nokia had the highest global market share of cell phone both in 2005 & 2006 and the market shares of Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson increased in 2006 than their share in 2005. As is presented, Nokia had the largest market share (one-third of total) in 2005 and their market share increased by 2.5% next year. Motorola had the second highest market share comprising over 17% in 2005 and their market share increase by roughly 4%. Samsung had been able to maintain the third position for their worldwide mobile phone market share, though their share decreased to 11.8% in 2005 compared to 12.7% in the previous year. On the other hand, Sony Ericsson and L.G both had more than 6% market share in 2005. In 2006, though Sony Ericsson’s market share increased by 1%, L.G’s market share decreased. BenQ Mobile had the lowest market share in the cell phone market and their share dropped to half in 2006 than the previous year. All other mobile manufacturers’ market share comprised over 19% in 2005 and that reduced to slightly over 16% as Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson had been able to secure more market share worldwide.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Plural noun Original: market share of cell phone Suggested revision: market share for mobile phones Why it matters: The noun phrase needs a plural or category form.
- 2. Comparison structure Original: increased in 2006 than their share in 2005 Suggested revision: increased in 2006 compared with their shares in 2005 Why it matters: Use compared with, not than, in this structure.
- 3. Add article Original: one-third of total Suggested revision: about one-third of the total market Why it matters: This is a more complete market-share phrase.
- 4. Past tense Original: their market share increase Suggested revision: its market share increased Why it matters: Motorola is a singular company and the sentence describes a past change.
- 5. Wrong year Original: their share decreased to 11.8% in 2005 compared to 12.7% in the previous year Suggested revision: its share decreased from 12.7% in 2005 to 11.8% in 2006 Why it matters: The original reverses the years for Samsung.
- 6. Word order Original: Sony Ericsson and L.G both had Suggested revision: both Sony Ericsson and LG had Why it matters: This is the natural word order.
- 7. Comparison phrase Original: dropped to half in 2006 than the previous year Suggested revision: dropped to about half its previous year's share in 2006 Why it matters: The phrase to half than is not grammatical.
- 8. Use accounted for Original: market share comprised over 19% Suggested revision: market share accounted for over 19% Why it matters: A share accounts for a percentage; it does not comprise a percentage here.
- 9. Neutral wording Original: had been able to secure more market share worldwide Suggested revision: increased their shares of the global market Why it matters: This is more direct and less promotional.
- 10. Correct Samsung data Original: Samsung had been able to maintain the third position for their worldwide mobile phone market share, though their share decreased to 11.8% in 2005 compared to 12.7% in the previous year. Suggested revision: Samsung remained in third place, although its share fell from 12.7% in 2005 to 11.8% in 2006. Why it matters: The original reverses the years and uses awkward grammar.
- 11. Fix agreement Original: Motorola had the second highest market share comprising over 17% in 2005 and their market share increase by roughly 4%. Suggested revision: Motorola had the second-highest market share, at 17.7% in 2005, and its share increased by about 3.4 percentage points in 2006. Why it matters: This improves grammar and precision.
- 12. Add exact values Original: In 2006, though Sony Ericsson’s market share increased by 1%, L.G’s market share decreased. Suggested revision: In 2006, Sony Ericsson's share rose from 6.3% to 7.4%, while LG's fell slightly from 6.7% to 6.3%. Why it matters: The exact values make the comparison clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- market share of cell phone market share for mobile phones
- increased in 2006 than their share in 2005 increased in 2006 compared with their shares in 2005
- one-third of total about one-third of the total market
- their market share increase its market share increased
- their share decreased to 11.8% in 2005 compared to 12.7% in the previous year its share decreased from 12.7% in 2005 to 11.8% in 2006
- Sony Ericsson and L.G both had both Sony Ericsson and LG had
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies Nokia as the leader and reports most manufacturer changes. However, it contains one serious year error for Samsung, says LG decreased without giving the exact 2006 value, and could compare the declining categories more clearly.
Correct the Samsung sentence, state exact 2005-to-2006 changes, and group companies into increasing and decreasing shares.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has an introduction, overview, and company-by-company details in a logical order. It is coherent but remains one long paragraph and becomes list-like.
Split the details into companies whose shares rose and companies whose shares fell.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for market-share reporting, but there are repeated phrases and some awkward collocations such as cell phone both, comprising over, and secured more market share worldwide.
Use varied but precise wording such as accounted for, rose by, fell from, stood at, and category.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent errors with agreement, tense, articles, and comparison forms. Most meanings remain clear, but the errors reduce control.
Check subject-verb agreement after share, use increased in 2006 compared with 2005, and keep tense simple.