The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. Worldwide Mobile Phone Sales in 2005 & 2006 (%share of market)
Sample Response
The table data compares global market shares of leading cell phone brands in 2005 and 2006. Generally speaking, BenQ Mobile had the lowest market share globally whereas Nokia Mobile secured the top in its rank as number one leading cellphone company worldwide. Manufacturer of Nokia cell phone gained the largest market share, one-third of global mobile phone sales in both years. On the other hand, Motorola also showed a significant increase in their sale in 2006 by almost 4% from previous year. Samsung had just over one-tenth mobile phone market share both years and their share declined in 2006. However, Sony Ericsson mobile had been able to maintain their sales with only a slight increase at 7.4% in 2006. Likewise, a gentle decline of less than 1% market share could be observed for Samsung and LG in 2006. All other mobile phone companies comprised over 19% global cell phone share, but their figure dropped by 3% in 2006.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Concise opening Original: The table data Suggested revision: The table Why it matters: Data is redundant.
- 2. Match task wording Original: cell phone brands Suggested revision: mobile-phone manufacturers Why it matters: This is more precise.
- 3. Unnatural ranking Original: secured the top in its rank Suggested revision: ranked first Why it matters: Use the standard collocation.
- 4. Redundant phrase Original: number one leading cellphone company Suggested revision: leading mobile-phone manufacturer Why it matters: Number one and leading repeat the same idea.
- 5. Wrong noun phrase Original: Manufacturer of Nokia cell phone Suggested revision: Nokia Why it matters: Refer directly to the company.
- 6. Use exact values Original: one-third of global mobile phone sales in both years Suggested revision: 32.5% in 2005 and 35% in 2006 Why it matters: The two figures are not identical.
- 7. Wrong contrast Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: Motorola's increase supports, rather than contrasts with, the preceding trend.
- 8. Agreement and noun Original: increase in their sale Suggested revision: increase in its market share Why it matters: A company is singular and the table reports share.
- 9. Missing article Original: from previous year Suggested revision: from the previous year Why it matters: Previous year needs the.
- 10. Missing preposition Original: both years Suggested revision: in both years Why it matters: Use in with time periods.
- 11. Singular reference Original: their share declined Suggested revision: its share declined Why it matters: Samsung is a singular company.
- 12. Wrong trend verb Original: maintain their sales Suggested revision: increase its share slightly Why it matters: The value rose from 6.3% to 7.4%; it did not merely stay level.
Suggested Rewrites
- The table data The table
- cell phone brands mobile-phone manufacturers
- secured the top in its rank ranked first
- number one leading cellphone company leading mobile-phone manufacturer
- Manufacturer of Nokia cell phone Nokia
- one-third of global mobile phone sales in both years 32.5% in 2005 and 35% in 2006
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report gives a clear comparison of the market leaders and accurately describes most of the main movements, especially Nokia, Motorola, Samsung, LG, and the combined 'Others' category. Its main weakness is incomplete and occasionally imprecise data selection: BenQ’s sharp fall is omitted and Nokia’s values are flattened into 'one-third'. Use exact figures for the largest changes and group increases separately from declines.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main leaders and most trends are covered accurately, but BenQ's notable fall is omitted and some values are approximated too loosely.
Include BenQ's 4.9% to 2.4% decline and use exact figures for Nokia and Motorola.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses from overview to detail, though contrast markers are occasionally mechanical and the information could be grouped more systematically.
Group Nokia and Motorola as risers, then Samsung, LG, BenQ, and Others as fallers.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate trend vocabulary, but several company, share, and sales collocations are awkward.
Use market share, rose to, fell by, and manufacturer consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, possessive, and preposition errors are frequent.
Check singular company reference, articles, and from-to/by-to patterns.