The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
Sample Response
The charts present data on pop, rock and classical music album purchase by different age groups of British male and female. It is worth noticing that rock music is more popular among the young people while classical music is preferred by the Britons over 45 years old. According to bar graphs, more than a quarter British males purchased rock music albums while less than 10% preferred classical music. Similarly 8% Britons female purchased rock music albums while 6% from this same category purchased classical music. This data depicts that more British men purchased music albums than women. According to age group, rock music is more preferred by 25 to 34 years British who purchased around 31% rock music. These people bought only 17% classical music. 16 to 24 years old British purchased 29% rock music while their percentage for buying classical music is significantly less, only 1%. Rock music is also popular than classical music among the 35 to 44 years age group who bought 14% rock music albums compared to the only 3% classical music purchase. But a completely different trend can be observed among the British over 45 years who prefer classical music over the rock and pop music. People from this age group purchased 20% classic music albums while the rock music albums they purchased amount only 8-10 percentage.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: purchase Suggested revision: purchases Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural when referring to purchases across several categories.
- 2. Use plural people nouns Original: British male and female Suggested revision: British men and women Why it matters: Plural person nouns are needed to describe the two groups naturally.
- 3. Use comparative wording Original: the young people Suggested revision: younger people Why it matters: The comparison across age groups is expressed more precisely with a comparative adjective.
- 4. Add the article Original: According to bar graphs Suggested revision: According to the bar charts Why it matters: The definite article is required because the sentence refers to the specific charts provided.
- 5. Add of after quarter Original: a quarter British males Suggested revision: a quarter of British men Why it matters: The proportion phrase requires 'of', and 'men' is the natural plural noun here.
- 6. Correct rock figure Original: 8 Suggested revision: 16 Why it matters: The rock chart shows that approximately 16% of women bought rock albums.
- 7. Correct noun order Original: Britons female Suggested revision: British women Why it matters: The nationality adjective should precede the plural noun.
- 8. Correct classical figure Original: 6% Suggested revision: about 7% Why it matters: The classical chart places the female figure at approximately 7%.
- 9. Use natural reporting verb Original: This data depicts Suggested revision: These data show Why it matters: The replacement uses a more natural academic reporting phrase and consistent plural agreement.
- 10. Clarify category shift Original: According to age group Suggested revision: By age group Why it matters: This phrase more directly signals the shift from sex-based to age-based comparisons.
- 11. Fix comparative form Original: preferred Suggested revision: popular Why it matters: 'Preferred' should not be modified with 'more' in this construction.
- 12. Correct age-group phrase Original: 25 to 34 years British Suggested revision: Britons aged 25 to 34 Why it matters: This is the standard grammatical form for identifying an age group.
Suggested Rewrites
- purchase purchases
- British male and female British men and women
- the young people younger people
- According to bar graphs According to the bar charts
- a quarter British males a quarter of British men
- 8 16
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response establishes a clear central comparison between younger listeners’ preference for rock and the over-45 group’s preference for classical music, and its sequence is generally easy to follow. Its main limitation is incomplete and sometimes inaccurate coverage: pop music is almost entirely omitted, and several figures, especially for female rock buyers, do not match the charts. Prioritise a balanced overview and selective, accurate comparisons across all three genres.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview is present, but the report largely omits pop music and includes several inaccurate or unclear figures, so key features are only partially covered.
Compare all three genres systematically and verify each selected percentage, especially the sex-based figures, against the charts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a broadly clear progression from sex to age, although the single dense paragraph and repetitive linking weaken organisation.
Separate the overview and the sex- and age-based details into clear paragraphs, using fewer mechanical transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses adequate topic vocabulary and some comparative language, but frequent awkward collocations and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Use accurate noun phrases and comparison forms, such as 'British men and women,' 'more popular than,' and 'percentage points' where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main ideas, but recurring article, agreement, plural, and noun-phrase errors are noticeable.
Review articles, plural forms, subject-verb agreement, and age-group constructions such as 'Britons aged 25 to 34.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.