The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows the number of hits to two new music sites on the web, measured in thousands over a period of fifteen days. For Music ChoiceAs far as Music Choice is concerned, the number of visits to the siteSite fluctuated between 20,000 and 40,000 in the first eleven days, except for Day 3 when itthey reached 60,000. By contrast, visits to the Pop Parade siteSite declined overallfell erratically from approximately 120,000 visitshits on Day 1 to around 3040,000 on Day 7. Between days 11 and 15 visits to Music Choice fluctuated dramatically, hitting a peak of over 120,000 on Day 14. Despite a drop to less than 40,000 hits, Pop Parade sawSaw a sharphuge increase in the number of visitshits between Days 9 and 11, reachingreaching a total of aboutover 150,000 hits on Day 11. At the end of the fifteen-day period the number of hits to Pop Parade peaked at around 170,00000, whereas those for Music Choice showedShowed a marked decline to around 70,000.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response accurately reports many figures and changes, using varied trend vocabulary and generally well-controlled complex sentences. Its main weakness is the absence of a clear overview that identifies the dominant patterns across the full period, especially Pop Parade’s generally higher traffic and the late surges; add a brief overview before the detailed chronology and carefully proofread figures and capitalization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most selected figures and movements are accurate, but the response gives no clear overview of the main patterns.
Add an overview stating that Pop Parade was usually more popular and that both sites rose sharply near the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological account is easy to follow and comparisons are linked clearly, although all information is compressed into one paragraph.
Separate the overview and the two main sets of details into distinct paragraphs to make the progression more transparent.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied and generally precise range of trend vocabulary, with only an isolated numerical typo.
Proofread data expressions carefully, especially the malformed figure “170,00,” while retaining the effective range of trend verbs.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede meaning.
Refine proofreading of sentence-level mechanics, particularly unnecessary capitalization within sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.