The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions.
Sample Response
The line graph reveals information about the pulse rate variability based on age and professions of two individuals, that is a 36 years old office worker and a 26-year-old former college athlete.
Overall, the office worker’s heartbeat shows a wide range of fluctuation over 4 minutes. At the same time, a former college athlete saw relatively less variability of the pulse.
Looking at details, the baseline rate of the young man was 80 and did not show a significant change in the first minute. However, starting from 1 minute had been considerably risen to reach the peak beat of 120 at 2 minutes. Then it started to go down slowly and became just above 100 in 3 minutes. Finally, substantially fell to 60 beats/minute at minute 4, which was less than the baseline.
On the other hand, the old office worker’s pulse rate began slightly above 60, which was less than the baseline of the young man, then lifted slightly and became 80 at the first minute. Next was a substantial increment to just less than two-fold. Following this, the rate plummeted to 100 over a period of 1 minute. At last, it has shown a gradual fall to 80beat at the 4th minute, which is higher than the pulse at the beginning.
To sum up, the young man’s baseline heart rate was higher than the old man, and the former one saw minimal fluctuation of the pulse over the time period. By contrast, the old man had a relatively lower baseline beat, but there was marked variability in his pulse each minute.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise relation Original: based on age and professions Suggested revision: by age and profession Why it matters: The graph compares two people identified by age and profession rather than variability based on those factors.
- 2. Introduce examples smoothly Original: , that is Suggested revision: , namely Why it matters: “Namely” introduces the two specified individuals more concisely.
- 3. Form compound adjective Original: a 36 years old office worker Suggested revision: a 36-year-old office worker Why it matters: Age used before a noun requires a singular hyphenated compound adjective.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: wide range of fluctuation Suggested revision: wide fluctuations Why it matters: The plural noun expresses repeated variation more naturally and precisely.
- 5. Describe the series Original: a former college athlete saw Suggested revision: the former college athlete showed Why it matters: The person did not observe the variation; his plotted pulse-rate series displayed it.
- 6. Use precise term Original: variability of the pulse Suggested revision: variation in pulse rate Why it matters: “Variation in pulse rate” is the standard phrasing for changes in the measured value.
- 7. Add the article Original: Looking at details Suggested revision: Looking at the details Why it matters: The definite article is needed when referring to the specific data shown.
- 8. Name the measure Original: the baseline rate Suggested revision: the baseline pulse rate Why it matters: Adding “pulse” makes the measured variable explicit.
- 9. Repair verb structure Original: starting from 1 minute had been considerably risen Suggested revision: after one minute, it rose sharply Why it matters: “Rise” is intransitive and needs an explicit subject rather than a passive construction.
- 10. Use chart terminology Original: beat Suggested revision: rate Why it matters: The plotted measurement is a pulse rate, not a single beat.
- 11. Use time-point preposition Original: in 3 minutes Suggested revision: at three minutes Why it matters: Use “at” for a value recorded at a particular time point.
- 12. Restore the subject Original: Finally, substantially fell Suggested revision: Finally, it fell sharply Why it matters: The clause needs a subject, and the adverb should modify the verb directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- based on age and professions by age and profession
- , that is , namely
- a 36 years old office worker a 36-year-old office worker
- wide range of fluctuation wide fluctuations
- a former college athlete saw the former college athlete showed
- variability of the pulse variation in pulse rate
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response selects the main trends accurately and supports them with nearly all key pulse-rate figures for both people. Clear paragraphing and chronological progression make the report easy to follow, but frequent awkward verb forms and imprecise collocations reduce linguistic control. The highest priority is to describe changes with natural active structures and consistently accurate tense and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a clear, accurate overview and covers the principal values, peaks, declines, and final figures for both individuals.
Make the comparison even more concise by directly contrasting both peaks and ranges rather than repeating the overview in a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided by person and ordered chronologically, though the conclusion repeats earlier points and some transitions are mechanical.
Replace the repetitive final summary with integrated comparisons at the relevant time points in the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of trend language is used, but several collocations such as peak beat, lifted slightly, and substantial increment sound unnatural.
Use precise graph language such as peaked at, rose to, fell by, and remained above the starting level.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries remain noticeable.
Control active past-tense structures consistently, especially after time phrases and when describing rises and falls.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.