The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland.
Sample Response
The given illustration depicts the changes of demographic trends over seven decades in Scotland and also gives the prediction for the year 2020. The survey has been taken from 1940 to 2010 on three criteria, namely: birth, population growth, and death.
Initially, fertility and mortality have reached their peak in 1940, whiles population growth reached its highest percentage in the second decade. It was about 2.5% birth rate in 1940 and then it declined sharply over five years. After a further decline, it fluctuated roughly twenty years. There was a peak in 2000 after falling gradually from 1960's by roughly 1.0%. It predicted that about 0.5% fertility in 2020.
The chart shows that there is a relationship between fertility and population growth by its trend. The dip, peak, and fluctuation are shown in the same decade, in which, the percentage of population growth always lower. On the other hand, it’s declined sharply and reached to zero growth in 2000's so that could not be predicted for 2020. The death rate went down steadily from 1940 to 1950s and then levelled off till 1970s by roughly 0.5%. After felt slightly in the last 1970s, it remained the same over the following thirty years. However, its number will rise in 2020 by over 0.5%.
In short, the trends of three categories are decreasing over seven decades and only the mortality rate is expected to be increased in 2020.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Changes in is the standard collocation for trends over time.
- 2. Use chart terminology Original: the prediction for the year 2020 Suggested revision: the projection for 2020 Why it matters: Projection is the precise term for a future value shown on a graph.
- 3. Describe graph data Original: The survey has been taken Suggested revision: The data cover Why it matters: The figure presents time-series data rather than the results of a survey.
- 4. Include projected endpoint Original: 2010 Suggested revision: 2020 Why it matters: The chart extends to a projected value in 2020.
- 5. Name three indicators Original: criteria, namely: Suggested revision: indicators: Why it matters: The lines represent measured demographic indicators, and namely is unnecessary before the colon.
- 6. Use past tense Original: have reached their peak Suggested revision: reached their peaks Why it matters: The peaks occurred in 1940, so simple past and the plural noun are required.
- 7. Use correct conjunction Original: whiles Suggested revision: while Why it matters: While is the correct conjunction for contrasting the population-growth peak.
- 8. State peak year clearly Original: in the second decade Suggested revision: in the mid-1950s Why it matters: The population growth line reaches its highest point around 1955.
- 9. Restore clear subject Original: It was about 2.5% birth rate Suggested revision: The birth rate was about 2.5% Why it matters: The measured birth rate should be the grammatical subject of the clause.
- 10. Add duration preposition Original: fluctuated roughly twenty years Suggested revision: fluctuated for roughly twenty years Why it matters: For is required before a duration.
- 11. Remove decade apostrophe Original: 1960's Suggested revision: the 1960s Why it matters: A decade written as a plural does not take an apostrophe.
- 12. Clarify trend relationship Original: relationship between fertility and population growth by its trend Suggested revision: relationship between fertility and population growth in their trends Why it matters: The plural possessive reference is needed because two series are being compared.
Suggested Rewrites
- of in
- the prediction for the year 2020 the projection for 2020
- The survey has been taken The data cover
- 2010 2020
- criteria, namely: indicators:
- have reached their peak reached their peaks
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response recognises the broad long-term decline in all three rates and the projected recovery in mortality, and it attempts to relate births to population growth. However, several trend descriptions are inaccurate or difficult to interpret, especially the claimed birth-rate peak in 2000, while frequent grammatical errors weaken clarity. Prioritise a data-accurate chronological account of each line, supported by correctly dated peaks and endpoints.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several main movements are presented, but the birth-rate chronology contains a significant error and some key comparisons are only loosely described.
Anchor each series to its real landmarks, including the birth-rate high in 1940, population-growth peak around 1955, and projected death-rate rise by 2020.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates the series and overview, but unclear pronouns and loosely connected trend statements sometimes interrupt progression.
Give each rate a clear subject and organise its changes from earliest to latest rather than switching between unnamed trends.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fair range of demographic and trend vocabulary, though words such as "criteria," "survey," and "number" are imprecise for the plotted rates.
Use exact terms such as "birth rate," "population growth rate," "death rate," "declined," and "levelled off."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent tense, agreement, clause, and verb-form errors sometimes make sentences hard to follow.
Build complete clauses with consistent past tense, for example "the rate fell slightly in the late 1970s and then remained stable."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.