Sample Response
The given illustration elucidates the nativity, death and population growth rate in Scotland from 1940 and gives projection till the year 2020. Generally speaking, population growth rate in Scotland dropped to almost zero around 2003 and death cases would rise in the future. As can be seen from the given line graph, natality in Scotland in 1940 stood at 2.5% while mortality was 1.5%. Population growth rate at that time was just below 1% which afterwards increased sharlply till 1955 with a slight drop in early 1940s. The fertility rate showed an overall downward trend with some fluctuations and reached to zero after 2000. On the contrary, mortality rate decreased rapidly till 1960 when it stood at just below 0.5% and after that remained nearly stable till 2010. With regards to growth of population, it reached the peak in 1955 and stood at 1.5% and then kept on decreasing before reaching to nill. The line graph also predicts that the death cases in Scotland will rise in the future and would intersect the fertility rate in around 2018 when they would stay at just below one percent. In summary, the demographic statistics depicts that Scotland managed to nullify its population growth in around 2003 while the mortality and fertility rate would stood at the same level in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel rate terms Original: nativity, death and population growth rate Suggested revision: birth, death and population growth rates Why it matters: The graph presents three rates, so parallel nouns and a plural head word are required.
- 2. Correct projection phrase Original: from 1940 and gives projection till Suggested revision: from 1940 and gives projections to Why it matters: The chart contains multiple projected values extending to 2020.
- 3. Describe projected rate Original: death cases would rise Suggested revision: the death rate is projected to rise Why it matters: The line shows a rate rather than a count of death cases, and the future change is a projection.
- 4. Use chart label Original: natality in Scotland Suggested revision: the birth rate in Scotland Why it matters: Birth rate is the exact and more familiar term used in the graph legend.
- 5. Correct spelling error Original: sharlply Suggested revision: sharply Why it matters: Sharply is misspelled in the original phrase.
- 6. Use formal time preposition Original: till Suggested revision: until Why it matters: Until is the more formal preposition for the endpoint of this trend.
- 7. Use correct series name Original: fertility Suggested revision: birth Why it matters: The plotted line is labelled birth rate, not fertility rate.
- 8. Correct birth-rate endpoint Original: reached to zero after 2000 Suggested revision: fell to around 0.4% by 2015 Why it matters: The birth rate remains above zero and reaches roughly 0.4% near 2015.
- 9. Use simultaneous transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: Meanwhile Why it matters: The death-rate trend is a concurrent series rather than a contradiction of the preceding statement.
- 10. Match chart terminology Original: mortality rate decreased Suggested revision: the death rate decreased Why it matters: Death rate matches the series label and requires the definite article here.
- 11. Describe later variation Original: remained nearly stable till 2010 Suggested revision: fluctuated at a low level until 2010 Why it matters: The death rate continued to fall and vary slightly rather than remaining stable throughout this period.
- 12. Correct fixed phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard expression is with regard to, with regard in the singular.
Suggested Rewrites
- nativity, death and population growth rate birth, death and population growth rates
- from 1940 and gives projection till from 1940 and gives projections to
- death cases would rise the death rate is projected to rise
- natality in Scotland the birth rate in Scotland
- sharlply sharply
- till until
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response correctly identifies the mid-1950s peak in population growth and its fall to around zero after 2000, while also recognising the projected rise in the death rate. Its main limitation is confusion between the birth-rate and population-growth lines, leading to inaccurate claims that fertility reaches zero and that rates intersect near one percent. The priority is to label each series correctly and verify projected endpoint values.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Several broad trends are recognised, but conflating birth rate with population growth creates major inaccuracies in the description of later values and projections.
Track each labelled line separately: birth rate declines to about 0.5%, population growth reaches zero around 2003, and death rate rises to meet birth rate near 2020.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves from an overview to individual trends in a broadly coherent order, although the final summary repeats earlier content.
Organise one paragraph around birth and death rates and another around population growth, keeping each series consistently labelled.
Lexical Resource
There is some range for trends and projections, but terms such as 'nativity', 'death cases', 'nullify', and 'nill' are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise demographic terms consistently: 'birth rate', 'death rate', 'population growth rate', 'fall to zero', and 'is projected to rise'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures communicates the general message, but tense, agreement, article, and preposition errors recur frequently.
Maintain consistent past and projected-future forms and correct patterns such as 'from 1940 to 2020', 'reached zero', and 'the statistics depict'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.