The graph below shows the percentage of self-employed workers in the total workforce in five countries in 1998 and 2008.
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Sample Response
The bar chart presents the proportions of self-employed workers in the overallwhole workforce in five countries inacross 1998 and 2000.
Overall, the share of workers who were self-employed was the largestwas largest in Turkey in 1998 and 2000, followed by Greece, and both countries experiencedwhereas they all experienced a decrease during the period. The self-employed workers accounted for a small partaccounted for small part of the total workforce in other three countries.
In Turkey, the proportion of self-employed workers experienced the most significant decline between 1998 and 2000, falling from about 55%The proportion of workers who were self-employed experienced the most significant decline between 1998 and 2000, falling from about 55% in 1998 to just below 40% in 2000. This figure in Greece also decreased considerably, falling from just over 40% to approximately 35%.
Other the share of workers in the total workforce increased in other three countries. This proportion in Slovakiaslovakia doubled during the period, rising from approximately 6% to 12%jumping from about 5% to just over 10%. Workers who were self-employed only accounted for about 5% of the total workforce in 1998 in the Russian Republicin Russian Republic, compared with just over 10% in the Czech Republicin Czech Republic. However, those two figures increased slightlyslighty after 2 years, reaching approximately 7% and 15% respectivelyreaching about 6% and 14% respectively.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay effectively identifies key figures and divides the data logically into contrasting groups of declining and increasing percentages. However, the overview contains a factual contradiction regarding whether all countries decreased, and minor grammatical or typographical errors appear throughout the text. To raise performance, ensure the overview accurately reflects the opposing trends and carefully proofread sentence structures and articles.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and numerical figures for all five countries are highlighted, but the overview incorrectly states that all countries experienced a decrease before contradicting this later.
Ensure the overall summary statement accurately synthesizes both rising and falling trends without contradictory claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically by grouping decreasing figures in one paragraph and rising figures in another, though transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.
Use clearer linking expressions at the start of paragraphs to establish precise contrasts between data sets.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of vocabulary is used to describe changes and data, though minor spelling mistakes and awkward word choices occur.
Vary lexical choices for reporting percentages and carefully proofread terms like 'slighty'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show a mix of simple and complex forms, but frequent missing articles and occasional incomplete comparisons affect control.
Focus on grammatical accuracy with definite articles and ensure comparative subjects are fully specified.