The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000.
Sample Response
The line graph presents data on the male and female smokers per thousand people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. As an overall trend, it is obvious that the rate of male smoker decreased over the time while the female smokers’ rate increase in the given period of time. According to the given line graph, the ratio of male smokers in Someland was much higher than that of females in 1960. 600 men out of 1000, smoked in this year while the ratio of women smokers was less than 100 per thousand. However, the male smokers’ percentage kept on decreasing steadily over the time and an opposite trend could be observed among the women. After 20 years the percentages or male and female smoker in Someland were 48% and 31% respectively. Finally, in 2000, the percentages of male and female smokers became almost the same. In 2000, the male smokers’ ratio was 20%, which was a significant decline in the ratio of the male smoker, while it was 20% for women, which shows that the percentage of female ration doubled in 40 years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use rate terminology Original: male and female smokers per thousand people Suggested revision: male and female smoking rates per 1,000 people Why it matters: The graph measures smoking rates rather than counts of smokers.
- 2. Streamline overview link Original: As an overall trend Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: This concise linker introduces the overview more directly.
- 3. Remove empty emphasis Original: it is obvious that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The trend can be stated directly without this subjective framing.
- 4. Correct noun form Original: rate of male smoker Suggested revision: male smoking rate Why it matters: The singular count noun is incorrect in this rate expression.
- 5. Remove article Original: decreased over the time while Suggested revision: decreased over time while Why it matters: The fixed time expression does not take the article here.
- 6. Fix tense and phrase Original: female smokers’ rate increase Suggested revision: female smoking rate increased Why it matters: The overview requires a past-tense verb and a natural rate expression.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: given period of time Suggested revision: period Why it matters: The shorter term conveys the same meaning without redundancy.
- 8. Reduce repetition Original: According to the given line graph Suggested revision: According to the graph Why it matters: The fuller phrase unnecessarily repeats information already established.
- 9. Name the measure Original: ratio of male smokers Suggested revision: male smoking rate Why it matters: The y-axis reports a rate per 1,000 rather than a ratio.
- 10. Clarify comparison Original: that of females Suggested revision: the female rate Why it matters: Naming the measure makes the comparison more precise.
- 11. Keep units consistent Original: male smokers’ percentage Suggested revision: male smoking rate Why it matters: This wording should retain the graph's per-1,000 unit rather than switch to percentages.
- 12. Correct trend phrase Original: kept on decreasing steadily over the time Suggested revision: decreased steadily over time Why it matters: The revision uses the natural verb pattern and time expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- male and female smokers per thousand people male and female smoking rates per 1,000 people
- As an overall trend Overall
- it is obvious that Delete
- rate of male smoker male smoking rate
- decreased over the time while decreased over time while
- female smokers’ rate increase female smoking rate increased
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the broad contrast between declining male smoking and rising female smoking and supports this with several time-point figures. Its main limitation is visual accuracy: it misses the women’s mid-period peak and later fall, reports both 2000 rates as 20%, and says the female rate merely doubled. Cross-check every stated figure against the graph and keep the unit consistently as smokers per 1,000.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and several relevant figures address the task, but the women’s later decline and some endpoint values are inaccurate.
Describe the female peak around 1975–1980 and verify that the 2000 rates are about 250 for men and 200 for women per 1,000.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses from the overview to early, middle, and final values, although it is presented as one dense paragraph with some repetition.
Separate the overview from the detailed chronology and group comparisons so each stage of the period is easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for trends and comparisons, but repeated imprecise choices such as “ratio,” “percentage,” and “female ration” reduce accuracy.
Use consistent graph language such as “rate,” “smokers per 1,000,” “rose,” “peaked,” and “declined.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but agreement, plural, tense, and punctuation errors recur.
Proofread subject–verb agreement and noun forms, especially “male smokers,” “the rate decreased,” and “the female rate increased.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.