The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000.
Sample Response
The smoking rates among men and womenratio of smokers among men and women in Someland is outlined in the line graph and the data also showshows how this rate changed over a 40-year perioda 40 years’ time. It is obvious that the smoking rate in Someland fellratio of smokers in Someland dipped over timeover the time but female smoking ratefemale smokers’ percentage climbed higher. As is visible in the illustration, almost six in ten men smoked in 1960 in Someland. At that time one female out of tenthen smoked but over the decades this rate increasedthis ratio went higher while the male smoking ratepercentage of male smokers decreased. In 1970, almost two2 in every ten women smoked while male smoking ratemale smokers’ ratio somewhat decreased. By 1985Moving further, the percentages of male and female smokers in 1985 stood at 40% and 30%, which shows contrasting trends in smoking ratesa contrasting trend of smoking between men and women. It is obvious that more females started consuming tobacco in 1985 than any other time in the past. However, the smoking rates for both gendersthe smoking rate among both genders gradually decreased after 1985 and in 2000, almost 20 to 25 male and female in Someland smoked. Although more men in Someland smokedThough more males in Someland smoked, the increasing trend of the female smokers was notablesomewhat alarming.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the broad contrast between declining male smoking and the rise then fall among women, and it supports this with several useful figures. Its main limitation is imprecision: percentages are substituted for rates per 1,000, the female peak is assigned to 1985 rather than 1975–1980, and the final comparison is vague. Prioritise reporting the original units and accurately comparing turning points and endpoints.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several key figures describe both series, but the female peak is misdated and some rate descriptions are imprecise.
Use rates per 1,000 consistently and identify the female peak in 1975–1980 before comparing the 2000 endpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological progression is easy to follow, although the single-paragraph presentation and repeated framing weaken organisation.
Separate the overview from two logically grouped detail paragraphs and reduce repetitive references to what is visible or obvious.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of trend language, but several collocations and references to ratios and percentages are awkward or inaccurate.
Prefer precise phrases such as ‘the smoking rate’, ‘rose to’, ‘peaked at’, and ‘fell to’ throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the trends, though article, plural, possessive, and noun-phrase errors recur.
Check agreement and noun phrases carefully, especially forms such as ‘over 40 years’ and ‘20–25 percent of men and women’.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.