The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph illustrates how the number of participants infigure for participants for different activities at a social center in Melbourne, Australia changed over a twenty-year period between 2000 and 2020.
Overall, it is clear that table tennis and musical performances experienced an upward trend whereas amateur dramatics followed a sharp downward trend. Also, film club and martial arts leveled off and film club had the largest number over the whole period.
With regard to table tennis, before a sharp rise from approximately 20 in 2010 to about 55 in 2020, participation in this activitythe number of participants for it increased mildly from around 16 to 2018 to 20 over the first ten years, surpassing the figure for amateur dramatics in 2010. Similarly, the figure for musical performances climbedclimb from 0 to 18 more regularly over the last fifteenfifiteen years. Prior toBut before 2005, it remained stable at 0.
By contrast, the number of participants for amateur dramatics experienced a slight rise from approximately 26 in 2000 to 29 in 2005, after which it plummeted to approximately 6only 5 over the last 15 years.
RegardingWhen it came to film club and martial arts, the figure for them leveled off,.(65 and 36 respectively)
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively provides a clear overview and reports accurate data for almost all categories shown in the line graph. The main weakness lies in the concluding sentence, which drops key trend details and ends abruptly with flawed punctuation. To improve, ensure all categories receive fully structured reporting and refine grammatical accuracy near sentence endings.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and visual comparisons are accurately reported with specific data points, though details for film club and martial arts are slightly rushed at the end.
Provide a fully developed sentence describing the stability and slight fluctuations of film club and martial arts rather than condensing them into a final parenthetical note.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into paragraph topics, but the final paragraph breaks down structurally with awkward cohesion and incomplete phrasing.
Ensure every body paragraph finishes with a complete, logically connected sentence instead of fragmenting data inside parentheses.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary related to trends and numerical changes is used correctly throughout the text, despite a minor spelling typo.
Maintain accurate spelling of key terms such as fifteen and expand the variety of descriptive adverbs used to explain stable trends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is successfully attempted, though minor errors in tense, preposition usage, and sentence punctuation occur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and punctuation carefully, ensuring past tense consistency like climbed instead of climb.