The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates how sugar is produced from sugar cans.
As clearly can be seen, there are seven various stages in this process demanding specific machinery and skilled workers.
First of all, sugar needs to be grown in appropriate farmland. After passing 12 to 18 months (perhaps depending on the culture conditions as well as the types of sugar can), the crops are harvested either mechanically by trucks or physically by farmers. At the next step, sugar cans enter into a machine with two rotating wheels in which sugar is completely crushed so that its juice is extracted.
Subsequently, the extracted juice is passed through a limestone filter forpurification. While the purified juice is being heated, its liquid evaporates. Therefore, the juice becomes syrup. At this point, a centrifuge is needed to separate sugar crystals from the syrup. Once the syrup has been centrifuged for a certain time, it is eventually dried and cooled in big containers. The final substance is a substance which is called sugar.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct crop name Original: cans Suggested revision: cane Why it matters: “Sugar cane” is the crop shown, whereas “cans” refers to containers.
- 2. Fix adverb order Original: As clearly can be seen Suggested revision: As can clearly be seen Why it matters: The modal verb must precede the adverb in this clause.
- 3. Remove incompatible modifier Original: seven various stages Suggested revision: seven stages Why it matters: A fixed number of stages cannot simultaneously be described as “various.”
- 4. Avoid unsupported detail Original: demanding specific machinery and skilled workers Suggested revision: involving machinery and manual labour Why it matters: The diagram shows machinery and manual harvesting but does not identify the workers as skilled.
- 5. Name the raw material Original: sugar needs to be grown Suggested revision: sugar cane is grown Why it matters: The first stage grows sugar cane, not the finished product sugar.
- 6. Use natural preposition Original: in appropriate farmland Suggested revision: on farmland Why it matters: Crops are conventionally described as being grown on farmland.
- 7. Fix time construction Original: After passing 12 to 18 months Suggested revision: After 12 to 18 months Why it matters: The time period itself passes, so “passing” is ungrammatical here.
- 8. Remove unsupported speculation Original: (perhaps depending on the culture conditions as well as the types of sugar can) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The diagram gives a 12–18 month range without attributing it to conditions or varieties.
- 9. Identify harvester accurately Original: mechanically by trucks Suggested revision: mechanically using a harvester Why it matters: The visual shows a harvesting machine rather than a truck performing the harvest.
- 10. Use process terminology Original: physically by farmers Suggested revision: manually by workers Why it matters: “Manually” accurately contrasts hand harvesting with mechanical harvesting.
- 11. Improve stage transition Original: At the next step Suggested revision: In the next stage Why it matters: This is the natural transition for moving through a process sequence.
- 12. Fix noun and construction Original: sugar cans enter into a machine Suggested revision: the sugar cane is fed into a crusher Why it matters: “Sugar cane” is uncountable here, and the passive construction accurately describes the process.
Suggested Rewrites
- cans cane
- As clearly can be seen As can clearly be seen
- seven various stages seven stages
- demanding specific machinery and skilled workers involving machinery and manual labour
- sugar needs to be grown sugar cane is grown
- in appropriate farmland on farmland
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its complete, chronological account of all seven stages, with generally clear use of process language and passive forms. Its main limitation is accuracy and precision: it adds unsupported claims about skilled workers, misidentifies mechanical harvesting as being done by trucks, and becomes unclear about what is dried and cooled. The priority is to describe only visible information and track each material precisely from cane to crystals.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All seven stages are covered in the correct order, but the report adds unsupported details and inaccurately attributes mechanical harvesting to trucks.
Give a factual start-to-finish overview and ensure that only the separated sugar crystals, rather than the syrup, are described as being dried and cooled.
Coherence and Cohesion
The process is organised chronologically with clear sequencing, although the final reference to “it” makes the material being processed unclear.
Maintain explicit reference chains by naming “the crystals” after centrifuging instead of relying on an ambiguous pronoun.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate process vocabulary, but repeated “sugar cans,” awkward collocations, and the fused form “forpurification” reduce precision.
Use exact terms consistently, including “sugar cane,” “growing conditions,” “harvesting machine,” and “for purification.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex and passive structures, but recurring errors in word order, reference, and clause construction weaken control.
Revise awkward constructions such as “As clearly can be seen” and “After passing 12 to 18 months” into direct, correctly controlled clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.