The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
Overall, a total of seven steps is seen from the production, including harvesting, crushing and separating. It is also evident that manufacturing sugar from sugar canes is a capital-intensive process, despite using only one ingredient.
To begin, sugar canes take 1 to 1.5 years to grow before they are ready for harvest. This stage could be performed in two different methods, either manually using a sickle or by an industrial reaper.
Once collected, the sugar canes are machine-pressed in order to extract the juice. This juice is then passed through a filter made of limestone so that any unwanted substance is eliminated. The next stage involves evaporation, in which the filtered sugar cane juice is put under heat and therefore thickens into a syrup. Subsequently, the syrup is transferred into a centrifuge, which rotates at a very high speed so that sugar crystals are separated from the liquid due to differences in density. In the final step, the sugar is dried and cooled, ready for packaging and sale.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unsupported inference Original: a capital-intensive process, despite using only one ingredient Suggested revision: a linear process using sugar cane as its main raw material Why it matters: The diagram shows a linear sequence but provides no information about capital intensity.
- 2. Use uncountable noun Original: canes Suggested revision: cane Why it matters: 'Sugar cane' is used as an uncountable material noun here.
- 3. Fix noun agreement Original: sugar canes take Suggested revision: sugar cane takes Why it matters: The material noun 'sugar cane' requires a singular verb in this context.
- 4. Match the stage label Original: the sugar canes are machine-pressed Suggested revision: the sugar cane is crushed by a machine Why it matters: 'Crushed' matches the process stage shown in the diagram more precisely.
- 5. Use concise process wording Original: any unwanted substance is eliminated Suggested revision: impurities are removed Why it matters: This wording describes the purpose of the purification stage more naturally.
- 6. Delete unsupported mechanism Original: due to differences in density Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The diagram shows separation in a centrifuge but does not attribute it to density differences.
- 7. Remove invented final steps Original: , ready for packaging and sale Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The process ends with drying and cooling, with no packaging or sale stage shown.
- 8. Use direct reference Original: It is also evident that Suggested revision: The diagram also shows that Why it matters: A direct reference to the diagram makes the overview more precise.
- 9. Match the visual units Original: 1 to 1.5 years Suggested revision: 12 to 18 months Why it matters: The diagram presents the growing period in months.
- 10. Name the prior stage Original: collected Suggested revision: harvested Why it matters: 'Harvested' links the sentence precisely to the preceding stage.
- 11. Make purpose concise Original: in order to extract the juice Suggested revision: to extract the juice Why it matters: The shorter infinitive expresses the same purpose more efficiently.
- 12. Use concise noun phrase Original: a filter made of limestone Suggested revision: a limestone filter Why it matters: The compact compound noun matches the label in the diagram.
Suggested Rewrites
- a capital-intensive process, despite using only one ingredient a linear process using sugar cane as its main raw material
- canes cane
- sugar canes take sugar cane takes
- the sugar canes are machine-pressed the sugar cane is crushed by a machine
- any unwanted substance is eliminated impurities are removed
- due to differences in density Delete
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a well-organised and largely accurate account of all seven stages, using effective sequencing and a good range of process vocabulary. Its main limitation is the overview's unsupported description of the process as capital-intensive, alongside the added claim about packaging and sale, which the diagram does not show. Focus the overview on observable features and avoid extending the process beyond the final drying and cooling stage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All seven stages and both harvesting methods are accurately described, although the response adds unsupported claims about capital intensity, packaging, and sale.
Base the overview and final sentence solely on visible features, ending with drying and cooling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses smoothly from cultivation to the finished sugar, with effective paragraphing and controlled sequencing devices.
Make the overview more concise so that it previews the process without interrupting the otherwise strong progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a flexible range of process vocabulary, though a few combinations such as seen from the production and performed in two different methods are awkward.
Use more natural collocations, such as the process consists of seven stages and harvesting can be carried out in two ways.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex passive and subordinate structures are generally accurate, with occasional errors in agreement and preposition choice.
Review agreement and fixed constructions in sentences such as a total of seven steps can be seen and by two different methods.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.