The pie charts below show the types of music media used from 1990 to 2010.
Same question Compare 2 different answers
Sample Response
The given pie charts present information about the storage media which were used to store music in three different years, over a 30-years’ period. It is clear that compact disc was the main media to store music in the early two decades but in 2010 MP3 player became the main media to store music. In 1990, 55% music storage was done in compact disc (CD) and this figure dramatically increased to 95% in 2000. However, with the dominance of MP3 player, only 35% music storage was done in CDs in 2010. The proportion of using cassettes to store music was 25% in 190 but it became obsolete in later decades. Vinyl Record stored 20% music in 1990 and none in the year 2000. Interestingly it reappeared in 2010 and was used to store 5% music. Finally, MP3 player, also known as Digital Audio, was not used in 1990 for storing music but it contributed to 5% storage in 2000 and it became the primary storage for music in 2010 with 60% storage of music.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct time span Original: over a 30-years’ period Suggested revision: over a 20-year period Why it matters: The charts cover 1990 to 2010, which is a 20-year period.
- 2. Fix number agreement Original: compact disc was the main media Suggested revision: compact discs were the main medium Why it matters: The countable format should be plural, while “medium” is the singular form required after “main.”
- 3. Add comma and plural Original: in 2010 MP3 player became Suggested revision: in 2010, MP3 players became Why it matters: An introductory year takes a comma, and the media type is expressed generically in the plural.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: with the dominance of MP3 player Suggested revision: after MP3 players became dominant Why it matters: This expresses the change in the leading music format more naturally.
- 5. Clarify proportion Original: Vinyl Record stored 20% music Suggested revision: Vinyl records accounted for 20% of music storage Why it matters: A storage medium accounts for a proportion rather than storing a percentage of music.
- 6. Clarify proportion Original: used to store 5% music Suggested revision: accounted for 5% of music storage Why it matters: A storage medium accounts for a share rather than storing a percentage of music.
- 7. Use proportion verb Original: contributed to 5% storage Suggested revision: accounted for 5% of music storage Why it matters: “Accounted for” is the appropriate expression for a category’s share of a total.
- 8. Clarify final share Original: with 60% storage of music Suggested revision: accounting for 60% of music storage Why it matters: This construction states the format’s proportion clearly and grammatically.
- 9. Reduce repetition Original: the storage media which were used to store music Suggested revision: the music storage media used Why it matters: This removes repetition of “storage” and “store” while preserving the meaning.
- 10. Refer to shown years Original: in the early two decades Suggested revision: in the first two years shown Why it matters: The charts provide snapshots for 1990 and 2000 rather than data covering two complete decades.
- 11. Report share clearly Original: only 35% music storage was done in CDs Suggested revision: CDs accounted for only 35% of music storage Why it matters: This is the correct grammatical structure for reporting a category’s share.
- 12. State zero share Original: none in the year 2000 Suggested revision: 0% in 2000 Why it matters: The chart shows vinyl with no recorded share in 2000, which can be reported directly as zero.
Suggested Rewrites
- over a 30-years’ period over a 20-year period
- compact disc was the main media compact discs were the main medium
- in 2010 MP3 player became in 2010, MP3 players became
- with the dominance of MP3 player after MP3 players became dominant
- Vinyl Record stored 20% music Vinyl records accounted for 20% of music storage
- used to store 5% music accounted for 5% of music storage
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects nearly all the relevant figures and gives a clear overview of the shift from CDs to digital audio, with the disappearance of cassettes and return of vinyl also well covered. Its main weakness is language precision: repetitive storage phrasing, awkward percentage constructions, and small date or time-span errors reduce accuracy. Prioritise concise comparative sentences with correct noun forms, articles, and time expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers the dominant media and almost all category proportions, with only minor date and time-span inaccuracies.
Correct the 1990 date typo and describe 1990 to 2010 as a twenty-year period while retaining the strong coverage of changes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview is clear and the details move logically through the three years, although the single-block presentation is somewhat dense.
Separate the overview from the chronological details and combine related changes into more concise comparative sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied and specific, but repeated use of "store music" and awkward percentage phrasing limit flexibility.
Vary accurate expressions with phrases such as "accounted for," "represented," and "made up" while avoiding repetition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used effectively, but article, noun-form, possessive, and percentage-construction errors occur noticeably.
Use forms such as "a thirty-year period," "55% of music was stored," and "the use of cassettes" to improve control.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the types of music media used from 1990 to 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.