The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion.
Sample Response
The pie chart shows the UAE government’s budget spending in different sectors in 2000. As is presented, the UAE government had AED 135 billion budget for the year 2000 and they used the highest amount for ensuring social security. According to the pie chart, the UAE administration allocated AED 100 billion in social security from their national budget of AED 315 billion. This single sector cost the UAE government almost one-third of the total budget. This year the government's expense was 53 million on health and personal social services, which was the second largest sector in terms of expenditure made by the UAE government. 38 million AED was spent on education while 23 billion both in debt and other expenditures. The government used 22 billion in Defence sector while 13 billion for the industry, employment and agriculture sectors. The lowest amount of money, only 9 billion, went to the transport sector. Finally, 15 billion of the budget was spent on housing and environment. In summary, UAE government's maximum spending went in social security and healthcare sectors while the least amounts were spent on transport, law and order, housing and industry/agriculture and employment sectors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise noun Original: budget spending Suggested revision: expenditure Why it matters: Expenditure is the more natural term for government spending shown in a budget chart.
- 2. Streamline reference Original: As is presented Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: This shorter chart reference is clearer and more natural.
- 3. Correct total budget Original: AED 135 billion budget Suggested revision: a budget of AED 315 billion Why it matters: The task and chart state that the total budget was AED 315 billion.
- 4. Fix reference and wording Original: they used the highest amount for ensuring social security Suggested revision: it allocated the largest amount to social security Why it matters: Government is singular here, and allocated to is the accurate construction.
- 5. Use correct preposition Original: allocated AED 100 billion in social security Suggested revision: allocated AED 100 billion to social security Why it matters: Funds are allocated to a category rather than in it.
- 6. Match chart wording Original: national budget of AED 315 billion Suggested revision: total budget of AED 315 billion Why it matters: Total budget directly matches the quantity specified in the task.
- 7. State the year Original: This year Suggested revision: In 2000 Why it matters: The explicit year is clearer than a deictic reference.
- 8. Correct value and unit Original: expense was 53 million Suggested revision: expenditure was AED 53 billion Why it matters: The chart gives AED 53 billion, not 53 million, for this category.
- 9. Reduce wordiness Original: the second largest sector in terms of expenditure made by the UAE government Suggested revision: the second-largest expenditure category Why it matters: The concise phrase conveys the same ranking more precisely.
- 10. Correct education figure Original: 38 million AED Suggested revision: AED 38 billion Why it matters: Education received AED 38 billion according to the chart.
- 11. Complete comparison Original: while 23 billion both in debt and other expenditures Suggested revision: while AED 23 billion went to each of debt interest and other expenditure Why it matters: The original clause lacks a verb and does not clearly express that each category received the same amount.
- 12. Fix article and preposition Original: in Defence sector Suggested revision: on the defence sector Why it matters: Spending is on a sector, and the countable category needs an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- budget spending expenditure
- As is presented As shown
- AED 135 billion budget a budget of AED 315 billion
- they used the highest amount for ensuring social security it allocated the largest amount to social security
- allocated AED 100 billion in social security allocated AED 100 billion to social security
- national budget of AED 315 billion total budget of AED 315 billion
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies social security as the largest allocation and covers nearly all spending categories, using a clear sequence from major to minor items. However, it gives an incorrect total early on, uses millions instead of billions for two figures, and offers an imprecise overview of the smallest sectors. Prioritise checking every unit and value against the chart before summarising the main contrasts.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad category coverage are weakened by an incorrect total, two wrong units, and imprecise treatment of the smallest allocations.
Verify every figure and unit, then summarise the largest and smallest allocations without grouping mid-range categories among the lowest.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the dominant allocation to smaller sectors, but the single-paragraph presentation limits structural clarity.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs, organising categories by larger and smaller allocations.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of spending-related vocabulary, though repetition and awkward collocations reduce precision.
Use more natural combinations such as allocated to, expenditure on, and accounted for while avoiding repeated references to the government.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys meaning clearly, but article, preposition, agreement, and incomplete-clause errors recur.
Proofread sentence structures carefully, especially articles and the verbs needed when comparing expenditure across categories.