The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate at least five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar chart presents the proportion of people who ate at least five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the proportion of people who ate at least five portions of fruit and vegetables was always highest amongin women, while this figure was always lowestthis figure always smallest in children. In 2006, those figures for men and women reached their highest level while the figure for children peaked in 2007.
In 2001, 20% of alltotal women ate at least five portions of fruit and vegetables. This figure then experiencedhad a steady increase, reaching its peak of approximately 35% in 2006, before decreasing slightly to about 30% in 2008. TheThis figure for men remained flat at roughly 17%plateaued at around 18% from 2001 to 2003. This proportion then showed an increasehad a incease, rising from 18% in 2003 to around 2736% in 2007, before decreasing slightly to 2635% in 2008.
The proportion of children who ate at least five portionsate five portions of fruit and vegetables remained at around 12% between 2001 and 2003. This percentage then rose notablyThis figure then increased considerably, from 12% in 2003 to approximately 24% in 2006from 12% in 2003 to 23% in 2006. The proportion remained relatively stable atfluctuated between around 23% and 25% from 2006 to 2008.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The summary successfully provides a clear overview and organizes key trends across the time period. However, major data inaccuracies in reporting the figures for men detract from the report's overall precision. Priority should be given to double-checking data points against the visual source while fixing minor grammatical lapses.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies key trends and provides a clear overview, but contains key inaccuracies in reporting figures for men.
Verify all percentage values directly against the chart axes before writing to prevent significant data errors.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into distinct paragraphs with a clear progression from overview to specific details.
Vary cohesive phrases and referencing structures to avoid overusing repetitive terms like 'this figure'.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of vocabulary for task description, though minor errors in word choice and spelling occur.
Refine phrasing choices to eliminate errors such as 'a incease' and 'total women'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, though minor grammatical omissions affect sentence mechanics.
Ensure all main clauses contain necessary verbs and articles, particularly in comparative structures.