The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates.
Sample Response
The flowchart illustrates the steps that a high school graduate needs to follow to get admitted to the university. As can be seen, there are various steps that a high school degree holder has to go through to be accepted as a university student. Once a student completes his high school course, he needs to complete an application form to apply for the university and this application form could be downloaded from the university website. Candidates then need to send the application to the administration. Applicants receive a reply two weeks later and the reply includes a rejection, an acceptance or a provisional acceptance. Candidates who get a rejection can either apply for a different course or can cancel their applications. On the other hand, provisional acceptance means more documentations are required. When a candidate receives an acceptance, the applicant needs to select a subject, and then register with the dean. When all these steps are completed, a candidate is ready to start his university life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise admission phrase Original: get admitted to the university Suggested revision: gain admission to university Why it matters: The replacement is a more concise and formal expression for university entry.
- 2. Use overview marker Original: As can be seen Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall clearly signals that the sentence is summarizing the complete process.
- 3. Use process terminology Original: various steps Suggested revision: several stages Why it matters: Stages is the more precise term for parts of a flowchart process.
- 4. Use concise graduate term Original: high school degree holder Suggested revision: high-school graduate Why it matters: High-school graduate is the standard concise term for someone who has obtained the degree.
- 5. Use formal process verb Original: go through Suggested revision: complete Why it matters: Complete is more formal and precise for carrying out process stages.
- 6. Match first stage Original: completes his high school course Suggested revision: obtains a high-school degree Why it matters: The flowchart begins with obtaining the degree rather than merely completing a course.
- 7. Remove redundant wording Original: application form to apply for the university Suggested revision: university application form Why it matters: The revised noun phrase avoids repeating application and apply.
- 8. Use process tense Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The present modal is appropriate for a general process that remains available.
- 9. Match administration step Original: send the application to the administration Suggested revision: send it to the administration office Why it matters: The replacement avoids repetition and names the destination shown as administration.
- 10. Introduce alternatives clearly Original: the reply includes Suggested revision: the reply is one of Why it matters: The response can take one of three mutually exclusive forms rather than including all three.
- 11. Keep reference consistent Original: When a candidate receives an acceptance, the applicant needs Suggested revision: When accepted, the candidate needs Why it matters: The revision avoids switching between candidate and applicant within one sentence.
- 12. Remove unnecessary comma Original: select a subject, and then Suggested revision: select a subject and then Why it matters: A comma is not needed between two short verb phrases sharing the same subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- get admitted to the university gain admission to university
- As can be seen Overall
- various steps several stages
- high school degree holder high-school graduate
- go through complete
- completes his high school course obtains a high-school degree
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents the application procedure in a clear sequence and accurately identifies the three possible administrative outcomes, making the main route to enrolment easy to follow. Its principal limitation is incomplete treatment of the two feedback loops: provisionally accepted applicants must compile and resubmit documents, while rejected applicants choosing another course must complete a new application. The priority is to describe these return paths explicitly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main stages and all three outcomes are covered accurately, but the resubmission loops after provisional acceptance and an alternative-course choice are underdeveloped.
Explain that both compiling extra documentation and completing an alternative-course application lead back to submitting materials to administration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The process unfolds in a logical sequence with clear temporal and contrast markers, although all stages are contained in one paragraph.
Separate the initial application, three decision branches, and successful enrolment route into short, clearly grouped paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for applications and admissions, with only minor imprecision and repetition of candidate labels.
Use the chart's exact terms, including 'compile documentation', 'complete enrolment', and 'apply for an alternative course'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of controlled sentence structures communicates the process clearly, with only occasional errors in prepositions, countability, and parallel phrasing.
Refine forms such as 'apply to a university', uncountable 'documentation', and the parallel structure 'can either apply or cancel'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.