The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates.
Same question Compare 2 different answers
Sample Response
The flow chart depicts the steps involved in getting admitted in a university for high school graduates. Overall, to get admitted to the university someone must have a high school degree and finally, the Dean of the university approves the admission. Getting back to details, high school graduates first need to download the application form from the university website and then fill it up. The filled application forms are then sent to the admin. The admin department either accepts an application or declines it. There are two types of acceptance – complete enrolment and provisional acceptance. Those who have been provisionally accepted need to submit more documentations within 2 weeks to the admin department. Their papers are then reexamined. Those who are accepted for complete enrolment then select their preferred subjects and register with the dean of the university. At the last step, the students get admitted to the university. On the contrary, applicants who are rejected are either given the chance to apply for an alternative course and go through the same steps again or their applications are discarded.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct admission preposition Original: in Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The verb phrase uses “to” when referring to admission to an institution.
- 2. Use formal transition Original: Getting back to details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: This is a more concise and appropriately formal transition into the process stages.
- 3. Use correct verb Original: up Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Forms are filled in or completed rather than filled up.
- 4. Use uncountable noun Original: submit more documentations Suggested revision: submit additional documentation Why it matters: “Documentation” is uncountable in this context.
- 5. Clarify enrolment outcome Original: accepted for complete enrolment Suggested revision: granted complete enrolment Why it matters: “Granted” describes this application outcome more precisely.
- 6. Refine sequence marker Original: At the last step Suggested revision: In the final step Why it matters: This phrase marks the final stage of a process more naturally.
- 7. Use contrast linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence contrasts rejected applicants with accepted applicants rather than contradicting a prior claim.
- 8. Use standard compound Original: The flow chart Suggested revision: The flowchart Why it matters: “Flowchart” is conventionally written as one word.
- 9. Clarify process users Original: for Suggested revision: by Why it matters: The process is undertaken by graduates, so “by” makes the relationship clearer.
- 10. Name acceptance outcomes Original: There are two types of acceptance Suggested revision: The two acceptance outcomes are Why it matters: This wording introduces the two branches more directly and precisely.
- 11. Spell out small number Original: 2 Suggested revision: two Why it matters: Spelling out a small number is more appropriate in formal prose.
- 12. Use precise document term Original: papers Suggested revision: documentation Why it matters: “Documentation” connects this step more precisely to the materials required in the diagram.
Suggested Rewrites
- in to
- Getting back to details In detail
- up in
- submit more documentations submit additional documentation
- accepted for complete enrolment granted complete enrolment
- At the last step In the final step
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, logically sequenced account of the main admission route and covers the provisional-acceptance and rejection branches with generally accurate process vocabulary. Its main limitation is a slightly imprecise overview, particularly the claim that the dean approves admission, while a few awkward collocations reduce polish. Prioritise an overview that accurately summarises the branching outcomes and final entry stage, then refine article, preposition, and count-noun choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main route and both alternative branches are covered accurately, but the overview misstates the dean's role as approving admission.
Summarise the process as an administrative decision leading to resubmission, cancellation, or enrolment, with successful applicants ultimately entering university.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress logically and the branching outcomes remain easy to follow, although some transitions are slightly mechanical.
Group the main enrolment route and the provisional or rejection loops into separate paragraphs with more precise linking.
Lexical Resource
A good range of process vocabulary conveys the stages clearly, despite awkward choices such as "more documentations" and "getting admitted in."
Use natural process collocations and accurate countability, such as "additional documentation" and "admitted to a university."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is generally controlled, with occasional article, preposition, and noun-form errors.
Proofread articles, dependent prepositions, and uncountable nouns while retaining the effective complex sentence structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.