The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates.
Sample Response
The given flow chart illustrates different steps that a high school graduate has to go through to be admitted to a university. Overall, the process begins with the application submission and ends with the completion of the university entry. According to the illustration, to be able to apply for the university admission, someone has to complete the high school diploma. The initial step involves getting the application form online and then submitting it to the admin. The admin categories applications in two main groups – rejected and accepted. Those who have been rejected are either permanently refused or given an opportunity to reapply for a different subject. To apply for an alternative course, a contestant has to go through the whole process again. The accepted pupils are also classified in two categories – directly accepted and provisionally accepted. Those who are provisionally accepted need to submit further documents and this process usually takes two weeks. On the contrary, who are fully accepted for the admission, select their preferred subjects and register with the dean of the faculty. After the completion of these steps, a student is considered eligible to enter the university and these final steps also require 2 weeks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use definite reference Original: different Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The diagram presents a specific sequence of steps.
- 2. Name the final stage Original: completion of the university entry Suggested revision: entry into university Why it matters: The final box is entering university, not completing an abstract entry process.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: apply for the university admission Suggested revision: apply for university admission Why it matters: 'University admission' is used without 'the' in this general phrase.
- 4. Match the first stage Original: complete the high school diploma Suggested revision: obtain a high school degree Why it matters: The first stage in the diagram is obtaining a high school degree.
- 5. Describe download precisely Original: getting the application form online Suggested revision: downloading the application form from the website Why it matters: The diagram specifies that the form is downloaded from a website.
- 6. Use formal process wording Original: submitting it to the admin Suggested revision: sending it to the administrator Why it matters: 'Administrator' is more precise than the informal abbreviation 'admin'.
- 7. Use the correct verb Original: categories Suggested revision: categorises Why it matters: 'Categorises' is the verb required to describe classification.
- 8. Fix classification preposition Original: in Suggested revision: into Why it matters: Items are categorised 'into' groups.
- 9. Match cancellation branch Original: permanently refused Suggested revision: required to cancel their application Why it matters: The diagram shows a cancellation outcome after rejection.
- 10. Match diagram label Original: a different subject Suggested revision: an alternative course Why it matters: The diagram labels this branch as an application for an alternative course.
- 11. Use applicant Original: a contestant Suggested revision: an applicant Why it matters: A person seeking university entry is an applicant, not a contestant.
- 12. Correct the retry route Original: go through the whole process again Suggested revision: complete an alternative-course application and resubmit it to the administrator Why it matters: The arrow returns the alternative-course application to the administration stage, not to the very beginning.
Suggested Rewrites
- different the
- completion of the university entry entry into university
- apply for the university admission apply for university admission
- complete the high school diploma obtain a high school degree
- getting the application form online downloading the application form from the website
- submitting it to the admin sending it to the administrator
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers nearly every stage and branch of the admissions process, with a clear sense of progression from initial eligibility to university entry. The main limitation is occasional imprecision, particularly the claim that the final selection and registration steps take two weeks, alongside several unsuitable participant labels. Improve by attaching each time period to the correct decision outcome and using consistent terms such as applicant throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The major stages, outcomes, and return loops are covered clearly, but the two-week timing is attached to the final steps rather than to the administrative outcomes.
State that the administrative decision routes take two weeks and distinguish this timing from the later subject-selection and registration stages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence progresses logically through rejection, provisional acceptance, and complete enrolment, with referencing that generally keeps the branches easy to follow.
Separate the overview and the main alternative routes into distinct paragraphs to make the branching structure even easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of process vocabulary, although terms such as 'contestant', 'pupils', and 'On the contrary' are unsuitable in this context.
Use 'applicant' consistently and choose neutral sequencing language such as 'for fully accepted applicants' when moving between branches.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied simple and complex sentences are mostly well controlled, with only occasional errors such as 'admin categories' and the incomplete clause beginning 'who are fully accepted'.
Check verb forms and ensure every relative or subordinate clause has an explicit grammatical subject before finalising the report.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.