The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
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Sample Response
The graph illustrates changes in job numbers acrossemployment situation for jobs in four sectors in America from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, the figuresfigure for retail and healthcare increased to varying degrees, whileincreased to varying degrees while the number of employees in manufacturing and agriculture decreased.
In detail,As seen, retail and healthcare saw considerable growth. The number of workersworker in retail stood at approximately 6 millionstood at approximately 6 in 1960, before rising to just over 16 million in 2020rising to above 15 in 2020 and surpassing that of manufacturing.surpassing the manufacturing. Similarly, the figure for healthcare followed a similar upward trend to retailmet the same trend as retail, from the lowest point (below 5 in 1960) to the same highest level as retail.
However, the situation in manufacturing and agriculture was quite different from that in retail and healthcare. Specifically, agriculture accounted for approximately 6 million jobswas the middle value at nearly 5 in 1960, decreasing to the lowest value (approximately 2 million in 2020approximately 2.5 in 2020). Manufacturing had the largest workforce at 15 million in 1960,Manufacturing was the highest at 15 in 1960, peaking at 20 millionreaching the top point at 20 in 1980, then dropping to about 13 million in 2020.about 14 in 2020.
Why this response received Band 6.5
本文成功梳理了四类行业就业人数的总体变化趋势，并进行了有效的对比与分段呈现。主要不足在于具体数值的精确定位有所偏差，且未在数据报道中标注关键单位“百万”（millions）。建议在今后的 Task 1 写作中加强数据单位的严谨性，同时注重冠词与名词单复数等语法细节的精准度。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章给出了包含主要趋势的概述并对四个行业进行了有效比较，但在数据描述中漏掉了纵轴单位“百万”（millions），且个别数据点不够准确。
在描写具体数值时务必包含图表给出的度量单位，并仔细核对关键年份的精确数值。
连贯与衔接
文章逻辑组织清晰，合理分段呈现了上升与下降趋势，语篇推进顺畅。
可进一步丰富连接词的多样性，使转折与对比句型的过渡更加自然。
词汇资源
能够灵活运用描述趋势与比较的词汇，表达方式较为多样，但存在个别用词搭配不够地道的情况。
积累并使用更地道的趋势与对比搭配，避免使用如 met the same trend 这样较为生硬的表达。
语法多样性与准确性
掌握了复合句和比较句式的运用，但文章中出现了单复数错误及多余冠词等语法细节瑕疵。
加强对语法细节的检查，特别是名词单复数（如 number of workers）和专有名词前冠词的使用。