The chart below shows the number of households in the US by their annual income in 2007, 2011 and 2015.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The provided bar graph presents specific information regarding the number of households in the US by their annual income in three separateseperate years.
Overall, it is evident that the number of households earningearing more than 100,000 annually represented the largest groupoccupied the lion's share of total in 2007 and 2015. Furthermore, a notable pattern that emerges is that there is a significant similarity in the data of 2011 and 2015.
A closer analysis of the data reveals that the households which can earn more than 100,000 dominateddominanted the other categories, with the figure for approximately 33 million and 29.5 millionapproximate 33 and 29 7million in 2015 and 2007 respectively. In contrast, the majority of households could only earnonly could get salaries below 74,999 in one year, whereas family which owned disposabledispensable income from 75,000 to 99,999000 was the minority with the figure of around 15 million each in both years.
Notably, the data pattern in 2011 had a commonalitycommonanity with that of 2015, which was that households thatwho could receive salaries from $75,000 to $99,999 had the lowest figures50,000 to 99,999 occupied the least proportion of total. More precisely, high-income households lost their leading position, rankinghigh income households lost their leading position ranked at the third largest with the figure for around 27 million. ConverselyAdversely, the figure for low income familiesfamiy who earned below 49,999 predominatedpredominanted.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay successfully identifies key trends from the chart, including the high proportion of households earning over $100,000, and provides a clear overall overview. However, data reporting contains slight inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, alongside frequent grammatical errors that occasionally disrupt the flow. To improve, focus on double-checking visual figures for accuracy and refining grammatical accuracy in complex sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents an overview and highlights key features, though some data descriptions contain minor numerical errors and inaccuracies.
Cross-check reported figures carefully against the visual chart to ensure all reported values and category names are accurate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized into distinct paragraphs with a clear overall progression, though some linking words are used slightly unnaturally.
Use logical transition markers more accurately to contrast specific data points smoothly without awkward phrasing.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but frequent spelling mistakes and inaccurate word choices create noticeable awkwardness.
Focus on accurate spelling of common academic words and avoid overusing informal or imprecise idioms like 'lion's share'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While complex structures are attempted, frequent grammatical errors in word order, subject-verb agreement, and modal usage distract the reader.
Practice forming clear, error-free complex sentences using basic relative clauses and modal verbs correctly.