The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008.
Sample Response
The given pie chart presents the consumption as well as sources of different forms of renewable energy in the USA from 1949 to 2008. Overall, the total energy consumed in different forms show rose with many fluctuations during this period. If we see the graph in detail, we can categorise the data into two groups. The first group includes hydroelectric power and wood energy consumption. We can see that rate of energy consumed by hydroelectric power is higher compared to wood energy. In 1949 both energy lines touch almost the same rate of consumption, which over years pass through many ups and downs and in 2008 again match the values with the difference of around point one percent. The second group comprises biofuels and wind energy. Both lines show almost the same trend of stability between 1949 and 1980 and then sharp rise afterwards. In 2008 grading, the consumption of biofuels was little higher than the wind energy. To summarise, we can say that hydroelectric power was the most popular source of energy and wind power was the least. The trend of all energy forms is increased overall but in an irregular manner. Another interesting thing can be noticed that consumption of wind and biofuels remains at zero level between 1949 and 1980.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Identify the visual Original: pie chart Suggested revision: line graph Why it matters: The visual displays changes over time with lines, not proportions in a pie chart.
- 2. Clarify chart content Original: the consumption as well as sources of different forms Suggested revision: consumption from four sources Why it matters: The graph compares consumption from four renewable sources rather than consumption and sources as separate features.
- 3. Correct verb form Original: show rose Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: The finite verb should be the simple past form without an auxiliary.
- 4. Use concise transition Original: If we see the graph in detail Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: A direct transition is more appropriate than addressing the reader.
- 5. Add article Original: that rate of energy consumed by hydroelectric power Suggested revision: that the amount of hydroelectric power consumed Why it matters: The noun phrase requires an article and a clearer grammatical structure.
- 6. Correct comparison Original: higher compared to Suggested revision: higher than Why it matters: Use higher than for this direct comparison.
- 7. Describe values precisely Original: both energy lines touch almost the same rate of consumption Suggested revision: the two sources had almost the same consumption level Why it matters: Lines do not touch a rate, and the graph shows similar consumption levels.
- 8. Fix tense and clause Original: which over years pass through many ups and downs Suggested revision: and both fluctuated over the following years Why it matters: The past-tense clause clearly describes how both series changed.
- 9. Use correct unit Original: with the difference of around point one percent Suggested revision: with a gap of roughly 0.4 quadrillion BTU Why it matters: The vertical axis uses quadrillion BTU, and the final gap is much larger than 0.1 percent.
- 10. Correct time coverage Original: Both lines show almost the same trend of stability between 1949 and 1980 Suggested revision: Both sources first appear near zero around 1980 Why it matters: The wind and biofuel series are not plotted across the earlier decades.
- 11. Supply verb Original: and then sharp rise afterwards Suggested revision: and then rise sharply afterwards Why it matters: The clause needs a verb and an adverb to describe the change.
- 12. Remove wrong word Original: In 2008 grading Suggested revision: In 2008 Why it matters: Grading does not express a point in time on a graph.
Suggested Rewrites
- pie chart line graph
- the consumption as well as sources of different forms consumption from four sources
- show rose rose
- If we see the graph in detail In detail
- that rate of energy consumed by hydroelectric power that the amount of hydroelectric power consumed
- higher compared to higher than
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the broad upward tendency and attempts to group the four renewable sources, giving the report a workable organising idea. However, it misidentifies the graphic, makes several inaccurate comparisons—particularly for biofuels and wind—and provides too little precise numerical support. The highest-priority improvement is to read the endpoints and turning points carefully, then report a smaller set of verified comparisons with accurate units.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response provides an overview and mentions all four sources, but several trends and comparisons are inaccurate or insufficiently supported by figures.
Report the total trend and each source’s endpoint accurately, especially that wind ends above biofuels and hydroelectricity does not remain uniformly above wood.
Coherence and Cohesion
The grouping of sources creates a discernible progression, but the single-block structure and repeated summary statements weaken cohesion.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, with one detail paragraph for the larger sources and one for wind and biofuels.
Lexical Resource
Some appropriate trend vocabulary is used, but frequent imprecise expressions such as ‘2008 grading’ and ‘energy lines touch’ reduce clarity.
Use conventional graph terms such as reached, fluctuated, remained negligible, and quadrillion BTU.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some complex sentence structure, but frequent agreement, tense, article, and clause-construction errors make the writing awkward.
Edit each sentence for a clear subject and finite verb, then check tense and agreement consistently.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.