The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the consumption of main renewable energy sources in the United States of America from the year 1949 to 2008. As is observed from the graph, initially in 1950 about 3 quadrillions BTU of total renewable energy was used in the USA and this amount reached to about 8 quadrillions BTU in 2008. As is presented in the line graph, wood and hydroelectric power were the two sources of renewable energy in the USA in 1950 and total 3 quadrillion BTU energies were consumed in the USA in this year. The consumption of renewable energy in the USA kept increasing each year with some fluctuations. In the year 2008, the consumption reached to around 8 quadrillions BTU. Until 1982, wood and hydroelectric powers were the two main sources of renewable energy and these 2 sources provided the renewable energy for the USA people. After 1982, Biofuels and wind power were introduced as renewable energy sources and after then the usages of these two sources keep increasing. To summarise, in earlier states, the wood and hydroelectric power were the main sources of renewable energy in the USA and after 2005, the usages of Bio-fuel and wind increased while the total consumption of renewable energy in the USA increased over time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise date range Original: from the year 1949 Suggested revision: from 1949 Why it matters: The word 'year' is unnecessary before a specific date.
- 2. Use correct start year Original: 1950 Suggested revision: 1949 Why it matters: The graph begins in 1949, not 1950.
- 3. Keep unit singular Original: quadrillions Suggested revision: quadrillion Why it matters: Measurement units used after a number remain singular in this expression.
- 4. Remove incorrect preposition Original: this amount reached to Suggested revision: this amount reached Why it matters: The transitive verb 'reach' takes its value directly without 'to'.
- 5. Keep unit singular Original: quadrillions Suggested revision: quadrillion Why it matters: 'Quadrillion' remains singular when it forms part of this measurement.
- 6. Correct quantity phrase Original: total 3 quadrillion BTU energies Suggested revision: a total of 3 quadrillion BTU of energy Why it matters: The quantity requires 'a total of', while 'energy' is uncountable.
- 7. Use natural year reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: that year Why it matters: 'That year' is the natural retrospective reference to 1950.
- 8. Remove incorrect preposition Original: the consumption reached to Suggested revision: the consumption reached Why it matters: 'Reach' does not take 'to' before a numerical value.
- 9. Keep unit singular Original: quadrillions Suggested revision: quadrillion Why it matters: The measurement noun 'quadrillion' remains singular after a number.
- 10. Use uncountable power noun Original: powers Suggested revision: power Why it matters: 'Power' is uncountable when referring to this energy source.
- 11. Spell out small number Original: 2 Suggested revision: two Why it matters: Small numbers are conventionally written as words in formal prose.
- 12. Use natural supply phrase Original: provided the renewable energy for the USA people Suggested revision: supplied renewable energy to people in the USA Why it matters: The revision uses the correct supply collocation and a natural demonym phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- from the year 1949 from 1949
- 1950 1949
- quadrillions quadrillion
- this amount reached to this amount reached
- quadrillions quadrillion
- total 3 quadrillion BTU energies a total of 3 quadrillion BTU of energy
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report identifies the substantial overall rise in renewable-energy use, gives accurate approximate totals at the beginning and end, and notes the later emergence of biofuels and wind. Its main limitation is incomplete comparison of the individual sources, especially the contrasting fluctuations in hydroelectric power and the steadier rise in wood. Prioritise source-by-source trends and key turning points rather than repeating total consumption.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overall increase and changing source mix are identified, but the major patterns in wood and hydroelectricity are insufficiently described and annual growth is overstated.
Compare hydroelectricity's pronounced fluctuations with wood's long rise and later stability, then quantify the late growth of biofuels and wind.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a broadly logical timeline, but endpoint figures and the role of wood and hydroelectricity are repeated within one paragraph.
Use a separate overview followed by paragraphs on established sources and newer sources, removing repeated total figures.
Lexical Resource
The response uses relevant energy and trend vocabulary, but frequent countability errors and awkward collocations reduce precision.
Use forms such as 'quadrillion BTU', 'consumption rose to', 'hydroelectric power', 'use of biofuels', and 'energy for Americans'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but recurring errors in plurals, tense, articles, prepositions, and verb agreement limit control.
Maintain past tense and correct structures such as 'reached about eight quadrillion BTU' and 'use of both sources kept increasing'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008.
Your response
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