The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the consumption of main renewable energy sources in the United States of America from the year 1949 to 2008. As is observed from the graph, initially in 1950 about 3 quadrillions BTU of total renewable energy was used in the USA and this amount reached to about 8 quadrillions BTU in 2008. As is presented in the line graph, wood and hydroelectric power were the two sources of renewable energy in the USA in 1950 and total 3 quadrillion BTU energies were consumed in the USA in this year. The consumption of renewable energy in the USA kept increasing each year with some fluctuations. In the year 2008, the consumption reached to around 8 quadrillions BTU. Until 1982, wood and hydroelectric powers were the two main sources of renewable energy and these 2 sources provided the renewable energy for the USA people. After 1982, Biofuels and wind power were introduced as renewable energy sources and after then the usages of these two sources keep increasing. To summarise, in earlier states, the wood and hydroelectric power were the main sources of renewable energy in the USA and after 2005, the usages of Bio-fuel and wind increased while the total consumption of renewable energy in the USA increased over time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the article Original: consumption of main renewable energy sources Suggested revision: consumption of the main renewable energy sources Why it matters: The definite article is needed before this specified group of sources.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: As is observed from the graph Suggested revision: As shown in the graph Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise reporting phrase.
- 3. Use the correct start Original: initially in 1950 Suggested revision: at the start of the period in 1949 Why it matters: The graph begins in 1949, rather than 1950.
- 4. Fix the unit form Original: quadrillions Suggested revision: quadrillion Why it matters: Quadrillion remains singular when it directly modifies the measurement unit.
- 5. Use the measured term Original: total renewable energy was used Suggested revision: renewable energy was consumed Why it matters: Consumed matches the quantity measured by the graph more precisely.
- 6. Remove wrong preposition Original: reached to about Suggested revision: reached about Why it matters: Reach takes a direct object and does not require to here.
- 7. Fix quantity phrasing Original: total 3 quadrillion BTU energies Suggested revision: a total of 3 quadrillion BTU of energy Why it matters: This structure correctly expresses an uncountable quantity of energy.
- 8. Use natural reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: that year Why it matters: That year is the natural retrospective time reference in this description.
- 9. Reflect fluctuations Original: kept increasing each year Suggested revision: increased overall Why it matters: The total trend contains several declines and did not rise every year.
- 10. Correct value and form Original: reached to around 8 quadrillions BTU Suggested revision: stood at around 7.3 quadrillion BTU Why it matters: The 2008 endpoint is roughly 7.3 quadrillion BTU, and stood at is grammatically correct.
- 11. Use a safer timeframe Original: After 1982 Suggested revision: In the early 1980s Why it matters: The graph shows biofuels beginning around 1981 and wind shortly afterwards.
- 12. Use lower case Original: Biofuels Suggested revision: biofuels Why it matters: A common energy-source noun does not require capitalization mid-sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- consumption of main renewable energy sources consumption of the main renewable energy sources
- As is observed from the graph As shown in the graph
- initially in 1950 at the start of the period in 1949
- quadrillions quadrillion
- total renewable energy was used renewable energy was consumed
- reached to about reached about
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the overall rise in renewable-energy use and names the four sources, so its main message remains clear. However, it gives very limited coverage of the individual trends, repeats the total endpoints, and contains frequent awkward forms such as pluralised units and reached to. Prioritise organising the report into an overview and detailed comparison paragraphs, then describe the contrasting fluctuations in hydroelectricity and wood and the late growth of biofuels and wind with accurate data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies the overall increase and the four sources, but it provides little detail on their distinct trends and overstates continuous growth.
Compare the peaks and falls in hydroelectricity and wood, then quantify the later rises in biofuels and wind.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account follows a broadly understandable sequence, but repetition and the absence of paragraphing weaken progression.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs grouped around the established and newer energy sources.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the main trends, although repetition and frequent collocational or word-form errors reduce precision.
Use standard forms such as quadrillion BTU, reached, consumption, and people in the USA.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex sentences are attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors in articles, plurals, agreement, and verb forms recur.
Edit each sentence for countable-noun forms and verb patterns, especially reached, was consumed, and usage increased.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.