The graph below shows the number of vehicles owned by per thousand people in China from 1987 to 1999. Number of vehicles per thousand people in China
Sample Response
A glance at the graph reveals some striking information about how many cars per thousand people in China owned in a period of twelve years. Overall, it can be seen that over the period, the car ownership in China increases remarkably. In 1987 every forty Chinese on an average had a car and only in two years, every twenty persons owned a vehicle in China. The vehicle ownership kept on increasing and in 1993 each ten Chinese on an average owned a car. After that, the car ownership ratio in China upsurged and just in the next two years the vehicle number in China doubled. In the final four years, from 1995 to 1999, the total vehicle number in China rose overwhelmingly and in 1999 there were more than 400 vehicles in China for every thousand population. In summary, the vehicle ownership in China increased dramatically and just in 12 years, the car ownership in China reached to almost a car for every two persons from only one car for forty persons.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use neutral reporting Original: striking information Suggested revision: information Why it matters: Striking is subjective and unnecessary in an objective graph description.
- 2. Repair passive clause Original: how many cars per thousand people in China owned Suggested revision: how many vehicles were owned per thousand people in China Why it matters: The original clause lacks the passive auxiliary and places the subject incorrectly.
- 3. Use concise period phrase Original: in a period of twelve years Suggested revision: over a twelve-year period Why it matters: The replacement is the standard concise expression for the graph's time span.
- 4. Remove empty framing Original: it can be seen that over the period, the Suggested revision: the Why it matters: Overall already signals the overview, so the additional framing is redundant.
- 5. Use past tense Original: increases Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: The graph covers a completed period from 1987 to 1999, requiring past tense.
- 6. Use formal trend verb Original: kept on increasing Suggested revision: continued to increase Why it matters: Continued to increase is more appropriate in formal data reporting.
- 7. Clarify time progression Original: and in 1993 Suggested revision: , and by 1993 Why it matters: The comma separates the clauses, while by accurately marks the later point reached.
- 8. Use chart unit Original: each ten Chinese on an average owned a car Suggested revision: there were 100 vehicles per thousand people Why it matters: The replacement reports the 1993 value directly in the unit used by the graph.
- 9. Use standard trend verb Original: upsurged Suggested revision: rose sharply Why it matters: Upsurged is unnatural as a verb in this context.
- 10. Use natural time phrase Original: just in the next two years Suggested revision: over the next two years Why it matters: Over correctly describes change across the two-year interval.
- 11. State doubled figure Original: the vehicle number in China doubled Suggested revision: the figure doubled to 200 vehicles per thousand people Why it matters: The graph shows a rise from 100 in 1993 to 200 in 1995.
- 12. Use period preposition Original: In Suggested revision: Over Why it matters: Over is the natural preposition for a change occurring throughout an interval.
Suggested Rewrites
- striking information information
- how many cars per thousand people in China owned how many vehicles were owned per thousand people in China
- in a period of twelve years over a twelve-year period
- it can be seen that over the period, the the
- increases increased
- kept on increasing continued to increase
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report communicates the strong upward trend clearly and supports it with several well-chosen milestones, including the doubling from about 100 to 200 vehicles per thousand between 1993 and 1995. Its main weakness is imprecise conversion and phrasing, especially equating the 1999 figure of just over 400 with almost one vehicle per two people. Keep the original units and organise the chronology into distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The upward trend and several key values are accurately selected, but the final conversion overstates the 1999 figure and some intermediate data are only approximate.
Report values consistently as vehicles per thousand people, including about 25 in 1987 and just over 400 in 1999.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological progression is easy to follow, but presenting the entire report as one paragraph and repeating the overview limits organisation.
Use separate introduction, overview and detail paragraphs, grouping the earlier and later years rather than restating the trend at the end.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fair range of trend vocabulary, although choices such as "upsurged" and "rose overwhelmingly" are unnatural.
Prefer conventional data language such as "rose sharply," "doubled" and "reached just over 400" while reducing repetition of "car ownership in China."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but recurring word-order, article, preposition and clause-formation errors affect many sentences.
Practise standard forms such as "the number rose to," "one vehicle for every forty people" and "vehicles per thousand people."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of vehicles owned by per thousand people in China from 1987 to 1999. Number of vehicles per thousand people in China
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.