The graph below shows the number of vehicles owned by per thousand people in China from 1987 to 1999.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates how many vehicles are owned by every thousand people in China over a 12-year period. Overall, it is clearly shown that there was a rapidly increasing trend in the ratio of vehicle ownership in China from 1987 to 1999. Initially, in the year 1987, there was only about 25 vehicles per one thousand people, which was the lowest number over the given period. However, it rose slightly nearly to 75 vehicles per thousand people in 1991, which showed an increase of about 500 vehicles per thousand people. Interestingly, there was a sharp rise in the number of vehicles in one thousand people from 1991 to 1995. The number went up from around 75 to just below 200, with an increase of approximately 125 vehicles in one thousand people. Last but not least, the number of vehicles per thousand people reached its highest point in 1999 with a figure of just above 400. In other words, there was a tremendous rise in the number of vehicle ownership of more than 200 from 1995 to 1999.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix rate expression Original: owned by every thousand people Suggested revision: owned per thousand people Why it matters: Per is the correct preposition for expressing this rate.
- 2. Name the measure accurately Original: ratio of vehicle ownership Suggested revision: number of vehicles per thousand people Why it matters: The graph reports a number per thousand rather than a ratio.
- 3. Match plural agreement Original: was Suggested revision: were Why it matters: The plural noun vehicles requires were rather than was.
- 4. Clarify the movement Original: rose slightly nearly to Suggested revision: rose gradually to nearly Why it matters: The original adverb order is ungrammatical and slightly understates the change.
- 5. Correct the increase Original: 500 Suggested revision: 55 Why it matters: The graph rises from about 25 in 1987 to about 80 in 1991, an increase of roughly 55.
- 6. Use the correct rate Original: vehicles in one thousand people from 1991 Suggested revision: vehicles per thousand people from 1991 Why it matters: Vehicles are counted per thousand people, not located in them.
- 7. Use per thousand Original: 125 vehicles in one thousand people Suggested revision: 125 vehicles per thousand people Why it matters: Per correctly expresses the increase in this population-based measure.
- 8. Use neutral sequencing Original: Last but not least Suggested revision: Finally Why it matters: Finally is a more concise transition for the last chronological data point.
- 9. Fix the collocation Original: number Suggested revision: level Why it matters: Ownership is expressed as a level, whereas number should modify vehicles.
- 10. Use direct reporting Original: it is clearly shown that Suggested revision: the graph shows that Why it matters: The revision removes an impersonal structure and states the source of the observation directly.
- 11. Show acceleration precisely Original: rapidly increasing trend Suggested revision: rise that accelerated after 1993 Why it matters: The graph shows modest early growth followed by much steeper increases after 1993.
- 12. Remove redundant wording Original: Initially, in the year 1987 Suggested revision: In 1987 Why it matters: The year already establishes the initial point, so the longer phrase is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- owned by every thousand people owned per thousand people
- ratio of vehicle ownership number of vehicles per thousand people
- was were
- rose slightly nearly to rose gradually to nearly
- 500 55
- vehicles in one thousand people from 1991 vehicles per thousand people from 1991
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response communicates the overall upward trend clearly and uses a sensible chronological sequence with several accurate milestone figures. Its main limitation is uneven data accuracy, especially the claim of a 500-vehicle increase from 1987 to 1991, alongside omission of several intermediate years; the priority is to verify every calculation and support the overview with a more representative selection of the chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main upward trend and several key values are identified, but one increase is seriously miscalculated and the intermediate years receive limited coverage.
Correct the 1987-to-1991 increase to roughly 55 vehicles per thousand and include one or two intermediate data points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear chronological path, though single-paragraph presentation and somewhat mechanical linkers limit the organisation.
Use an overview paragraph followed by a focused detail paragraph, relying more on time references than formulaic transitions.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of trend vocabulary, but repeated wording and awkward phrases such as vehicles in one thousand people reduce precision.
Use the exact unit vehicles per thousand people consistently and vary trend language only where the alternative is natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences and remains clear, despite recurring agreement and sentence-structure errors.
Check agreement and clause construction in phrases such as there were about 25 vehicles and rose to nearly 75.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of vehicles owned by per thousand people in China from 1987 to 1999.
Your response
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