The graph below shows the number of vehicles owned by per thousand people in China from 1987 to 1999.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates how many vehicles are owned per thousand peopleowned by every thousand people in China over a 12-year period. Overall, the graph shows thatit is clearly shown that there was a rise that accelerated after 1993rapidly increasing trend in the number of vehicles per thousand peopleratio of vehicle ownership in China from 1987 to 1999. In 1987Initially, in the year 1987, there werewas only about 25 vehicles per one thousand people, which was the lowest figure in the periodlowest number over the given period. However, it rose gradually to nearlyrose slightly nearly to 75 vehicles per thousand people in 1991, which showed an increase of about 55500 vehicles per thousand people. From 1991 onwardInterestingly, there was a sharp rise in the number of vehicles per thousand people from 1991vehicles in one thousand people from 1991 to 1995. The number went up from around 75 to just below 200, with an increase of approximately 125 vehicles per thousand people125 vehicles in one thousand people. FinallyLast but not least, the number of vehicles per thousand people reached its highest point in 1999 at just over 400with a figure of just above 400. In other words, there was a tremendous rise in the levelnumber of vehicle ownership of more than 200 from 1995 to 1999.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response communicates the overall upward trend clearly and uses a sensible chronological sequence with several accurate milestone figures. Its main limitation is uneven data accuracy, especially the claim of a 500-vehicle increase from 1987 to 1991, alongside omission of several intermediate years; the priority is to verify every calculation and support the overview with a more representative selection of the chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main upward trend and several key values are identified, but one increase is seriously miscalculated and the intermediate years receive limited coverage.
Correct the 1987-to-1991 increase to roughly 55 vehicles per thousand and include one or two intermediate data points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear chronological path, though single-paragraph presentation and somewhat mechanical linkers limit the organisation.
Use an overview paragraph followed by a focused detail paragraph, relying more on time references than formulaic transitions.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of trend vocabulary, but repeated wording and awkward phrases such as vehicles in one thousand people reduce precision.
Use the exact unit vehicles per thousand people consistently and vary trend language only where the alternative is natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences and remains clear, despite recurring agreement and sentence-structure errors.
Check agreement and clause construction in phrases such as there were about 25 vehicles and rose to nearly 75.