The charts below show the percentage of water used by different sectors in Sydney, Australia, in 1997 and 2007.
Sample Response
The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of water used by different sectorssections in Sydney, Australia, in 1997 and 2007.
Overall, food industry used the most waterthe most of water in both 1997 and 2007, whereas the building industry used the least water in both yearsbuilding industry used the lowest of water in 1997 and 2007. In addition, the water usage of the service industry in 2007service industry in 2007 was much higher than that in 1997, while the water usage of manufacturing in 2007 was much lower than its percentagepercantage in 1997.
Food industry used 48% of total water in 1997 and 41% of total water in 2007; it consumed2007, it consumed more water thanthe most of total water than other sectors. Furthermore, building industry accounted for the lowest proportion of waterused the lowest of total water, only accounting for 5% in 1997,and it still decreased to 2% in 2007.
The proportion of household water usewater usage of household use remained stable in 1997 and 2007, making up2007, it made up 19% in 1997, only 2 percentage points lower than its percentagepercantage in 2007. Meanwhile, the serviceBesides, service industry and manufacturing shared the approximate water usage level in 1997, where the former made up 13% and the latterlater represented 15%. However, in 2007, the water use of service industry was much higher than that of manufacturing, with the service industry constituting 25%which service industry constituted 25%, 14 percentage points higher than the percentage of water use in manufacturingmanucfacturing.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively presents all key data points from both years with accurate comparisons and a clear overview. However, its clarity and academic tone are somewhat compromised by awkward phrasing and frequent comma splices. To raise the overall quality, focus on eliminating run-on sentences with proper punctuation and refining vocabulary choices related to proportions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and numerical details are clearly highlighted and accurately compared across both years.
Maintain this high level of factual accuracy while ensuring comparisons remain concisely grouped.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraphing structure with a distinct overview section, though linking between clauses can feel repetitive.
Use a wider variety of transitional phrases and avoid joining independent clauses with simple commas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate to convey the trends, but there are noticeable spelling errors and awkward word combinations.
Practice using more natural mathematical collocates, such as accounting for the smallest share rather than using the lowest of water.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of sentence structures is attempted, but comma splices occur frequently when joining complete statements.
Correct comma splices by using semicolons, period breaks, or subordinating conjunctions to separate main clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of water used by different sectors in Sydney, Australia, in 1997 and 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.