The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.
Sample Response
The given pie charts compare the highest education level among women in Someland in 50 years duration. As is observed from the given data, the women made a remarkable progress in education over the 50 year’s period in Someland.
Initially, in 1945, more than one-third women in Someland did not have any schooling experience while another one-third could manage education until third grade only. Less than 1% women in this year managed to get their graduation or post-graduation degree. This reflects the poor education level among the female of Someland in 1945.
After 50 years, the education level among women in Someland remarkably improved and more than 50% women finished their first degree while 20% of them completed their post-graduation. Remaining women either finished their 12th-grade education or studied till 9th grade. No women were left unattended to school and that’s a remarkable progress for women in education in Someland.
In summary, education level among women improved significantly over the 50 years period in Someland.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun phrase Original: highest education level Suggested revision: highest levels of education Why it matters: Levels of education is the standard expression for the categories compared in the charts.
- 2. Fix time expression Original: in 50 years duration Suggested revision: over a 50-year period Why it matters: The revision uses the correct preposition and compound adjective for the duration.
- 3. Signal the overview Original: As is observed from the given data Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall marks the main cross-chart trend more directly and concisely.
- 4. Remove incorrect article Original: the women made a remarkable progress Suggested revision: women made remarkable progress Why it matters: Progress is uncountable here and therefore cannot take the article a.
- 5. Form compound adjective Original: over the 50 year’s period Suggested revision: over the 50-year period Why it matters: The attributive time expression requires a singular hyphenated form rather than a possessive.
- 6. Report the exact figure Original: more than one-third women Suggested revision: 35% of women Why it matters: The 1945 chart gives an exact 35% for women with no schooling, and percentages require of before the noun.
- 7. Use the chart value Original: another one-third Suggested revision: another 35% Why it matters: The third-grade category is shown as 35%, so the exact value provides a clearer comparison.
- 8. Use attainment wording Original: could manage education until third grade only Suggested revision: had completed only the third grade Why it matters: Completed accurately describes the highest educational level attained.
- 9. Use objective wording Original: poor education level Suggested revision: low level of educational attainment Why it matters: The replacement describes the chart pattern in a more precise academic register.
- 10. Use plural noun Original: among the female of Someland Suggested revision: among women in Someland Why it matters: Female is incorrectly used as a singular countable noun to refer to women generally.
- 11. Use the chart year Original: After 50 years Suggested revision: By 1995 Why it matters: Naming the second chart year creates a more precise transition between the two periods.
- 12. Describe attainment clearly Original: the education level among women in Someland remarkably improved Suggested revision: women’s educational attainment in Someland had improved remarkably Why it matters: Educational attainment is the natural term for the highest completed level shown in the charts.
Suggested Rewrites
- highest education level highest levels of education
- in 50 years duration over a 50-year period
- As is observed from the given data Overall
- the women made a remarkable progress women made remarkable progress
- over the 50 year’s period over the 50-year period
- more than one-third women 35% of women
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is easy to follow and gives a clear overall message that women's educational attainment rose substantially between 1945 and 1995. Its main weakness is limited and sometimes inaccurate data selection: the first-degree share in 1995 is 50%, not more than 50%, and several middle education categories receive no figures. Prioritise a fuller set of precise comparisons while correcting recurring article, plural, and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies substantial educational progress, and the main dominant categories are reported, but coverage is selective and two percentages are misstated.
Report the 1945 middle-level categories and the exact 1995 distribution, then compare the major shifts directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview through the two years to a summary, with appropriate paragraphing and generally clear referencing.
Avoid repeating the overview in the final paragraph and use direct comparisons to connect corresponding categories across the two years.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary communicates the trends clearly, but recurring awkward collocations such as 'manage education' and 'get their graduation' reduce precision.
Use standard data-reporting phrases such as 'reached Year 6', 'held a first degree', and 'had no formal schooling'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures successfully, although article, possessive, noun-number, and determiner errors recur throughout.
Proofread quantified noun phrases and articles, especially forms such as 'one-third of women', 'a 50-year period', and 'the remaining women'.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.