The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.
Sample Response
The pie charts show how the women education scenario in Someland changed by comparing the highest level of female education in 1995 with that of five decades earlier. Overall, a notable progress in education was achieved by women in Someland. According to the diagrams, more than one-third women in Someland did not receive any formal education in 1945 while another one-third dropped out before they even completed their primary education. This is a dismaying figure for women in terms of their schooling in Someland in 1945. Moreover, almost a quarter female merely finished their sixth and ninth grades whereas only 4% made it to their 12th grades. Merely 1% of these women were awarded their first-degree certificates while none of them earned the post-graduation qualification. However, after fifty years, the progress was remarkable when one in every five women in Someland finished their post-graduation, half of them earned their first-degree and all women finished at least grade 9. No women in Someland in 1995 was deprived of their education and 20% of them finished school years to finish their 12 grades.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun phrase Original: women education scenario Suggested revision: women's educational profile Why it matters: The possessive and adjective forms are needed for a natural description of the data.
- 2. Remove wrong article Original: a notable progress Suggested revision: notable progress Why it matters: “Progress” is uncountable here and does not take the article “a.”
- 3. Use chart category Original: their first-degree certificates Suggested revision: first degrees Why it matters: “First degree” is the chart category and is more precise than “first-degree certificates.”
- 4. Use correct term Original: the post-graduation qualification Suggested revision: a postgraduate qualification Why it matters: “Postgraduate qualification” is the standard form for this education category.
- 5. Fix qualification phrase Original: finished their post-graduation Suggested revision: held a postgraduate qualification Why it matters: A qualification is held or attained, whereas “finish post-graduation” is not natural English.
- 6. Fix degree phrasing Original: half of them earned their first-degree Suggested revision: half of them held a first degree Why it matters: Use the chart's category as an unhyphenated noun phrase.
- 7. Use precise category Original: female education in 1995 Suggested revision: women's educational attainment in 1995 Why it matters: “Educational attainment” accurately describes the highest levels shown in the charts.
- 8. State comparison year Original: five decades earlier Suggested revision: in 1945 Why it matters: Naming the year makes the comparison between the two charts immediate and precise.
- 9. Fix progress collocation Original: achieved Suggested revision: made Why it matters: The natural collocation is to make progress, not achieve progress.
- 10. Add partitive preposition Original: more than one-third women Suggested revision: more than one-third of women Why it matters: A fractional expression before a plural group requires “of.”
- 11. Use objective tone Original: This is a dismaying figure for women in terms of their schooling Suggested revision: This is a striking pattern in women's educational attainment Why it matters: Academic Task 1 should describe the visual pattern neutrally rather than express dismay.
- 12. Use neutral quantifier Original: Merely Suggested revision: Only Why it matters: “Only” reports the small proportion more neutrally and naturally here.
Suggested Rewrites
- women education scenario women's educational profile
- a notable progress notable progress
- their first-degree certificates first degrees
- the post-graduation qualification a postgraduate qualification
- finished their post-graduation held a postgraduate qualification
- half of them earned their first-degree half of them held a first degree
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the substantial educational progress clearly and supports it with almost all of the important proportions from both years. Its strongest feature is accurate coverage, although the organisation is compressed and recurring agreement, article, and collocation errors reduce linguistic precision. Prioritise cleaner sentence structures and exact category-by-category comparisons, particularly separating Year 6 from Year 9 in the 1945 description.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately covers virtually all major proportions and the dramatic shift toward higher qualifications.
Distinguish the 15% at Year 6 from the 10% at Year 9 rather than combining them as almost a quarter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account moves clearly from the overall change to 1945 and then 1995, though dense sentences compress several comparisons.
Separate the two years into distinct detail paragraphs and divide the longest lists of figures into more focused comparisons.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of education-related vocabulary, but several expressions such as “women education scenario” and “finished their post-graduation” are unnatural.
Use precise forms such as “women’s educational attainment,” “held a first degree,” and “had a postgraduate qualification.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted successfully, but recurring article, noun-form, and agreement errors reduce accuracy.
Edit noun phrases and agreement carefully, especially “a notable progress,” “one-third women,” and “No women ... was.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.