The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.
Sample Response
The pie charts show how the women's educational profilewomen education scenario in Someland changed by comparing the highest level of women's educational attainment in 1995female education in 1995 with that of in 1945five decades earlier. Overall, notable progressa notable progress in education was madeachieved by women in Someland. According to the diagrams, more than one-third of womenmore than one-third women in Someland did not receive any formal education in 1945 while another one-third dropped out before they even completed their primary education. This is a striking pattern in women's educational attainmentThis is a dismaying figure for women in terms of their schooling in Someland in 1945. Moreover, almost a quarter female merely finished their sixth and ninth grades whereas only 4% made it to their 12th grades. OnlyMerely 1% of these women were awarded first degreestheir first-degree certificates while none of them earned a postgraduate qualificationthe post-graduation qualification. However, by 1995after fifty years, the pattern had changed markedly:the progress was remarkable when one in every five women in Someland held a postgraduate qualificationfinished their post-graduation, half of them held a first degreehalf of them earned their first-degree and all women reached at least Year 9all women finished at least grade 9. No women in Someland in 1995 was deprived of their education and 20% of them finished school years to finish their 12 grades.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the substantial educational progress clearly and supports it with almost all of the important proportions from both years. Its strongest feature is accurate coverage, although the organisation is compressed and recurring agreement, article, and collocation errors reduce linguistic precision. Prioritise cleaner sentence structures and exact category-by-category comparisons, particularly separating Year 6 from Year 9 in the 1945 description.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately covers virtually all major proportions and the dramatic shift toward higher qualifications.
Distinguish the 15% at Year 6 from the 10% at Year 9 rather than combining them as almost a quarter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account moves clearly from the overall change to 1945 and then 1995, though dense sentences compress several comparisons.
Separate the two years into distinct detail paragraphs and divide the longest lists of figures into more focused comparisons.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of education-related vocabulary, but several expressions such as “women education scenario” and “finished their post-graduation” are unnatural.
Use precise forms such as “women’s educational attainment,” “held a first degree,” and “had a postgraduate qualification.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted successfully, but recurring article, noun-form, and agreement errors reduce accuracy.
Edit noun phrases and agreement carefully, especially “a notable progress,” “one-third women,” and “No women ... was.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.