The diagram shows the different stages in the production of woollen goods
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates how wool is produced for both personal and industrial use. Generally, it is clear that there are various steps involved, beginning with the sheep being sheared and ending with the woolen yarns being knitted or woven into commercially made jackets and carpets.
The process commences when the sheep are sheared for their fleece. Once the collective amount of fleece is cleaned with water and chemicals to get rid of contaminants such as grease, twigs, dried sweat, and other debris, it is taken to a drying machine. Following this, the fleece is carded, which results in tufts of wool and pieces of string as byproducts, with the latter being reintroduced into the process to maximize productivity.
Then, woolen tufts are sent to a warehouse for storage before being spun into balls of yarn. In the last stage, these yarn balls are sold for either individual pastimes, like knitting, or the commercial purpose of making jackets or carpets.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify carding outputs Original: which results in tufts of wool and pieces of string as byproducts Suggested revision: which produces tufts of wool and separates out string Why it matters: The diagram shows tufts as the main wool output and string as a separate recyclable output.
- 2. Follow shown pathway Original: being reintroduced into the process to maximize productivity Suggested revision: being sent for recycling Why it matters: The diagram labels the string pathway as recycling without showing reintroduction or a productivity purpose.
- 3. Avoid unsupported setting Original: a warehouse for storage Suggested revision: storage Why it matters: The visual identifies a storage stage but does not specifically label the facility as a warehouse.
- 4. Remove invented sale Original: sold Suggested revision: used Why it matters: The diagram shows uses of the yarn but does not indicate that it is sold.
- 5. Describe shown branches Original: individual pastimes, like knitting, or the commercial purpose of making Suggested revision: knitting or making Why it matters: The visual shows product pathways without classifying them as personal pastimes or commercial purposes.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: The diagram illustrates how wool is produced for both personal and industrial use. Suggested revision: The diagram illustrates how wool is processed to produce woollen goods. Why it matters: This wording describes the process without adding use categories that the diagram does not label.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Generally, it is clear that there are various steps involved, beginning with the sheep being sheared and ending with the woolen yarns being knitted or woven into commercially made jackets and carpets. Suggested revision: Overall, the process starts with shearing sheep, after which the fleece is cleaned, dried and carded; the wool is then stored and spun before being used for knitting or making jackets and carpets. Why it matters: The overview should summarize the principal stages and avoid adding weaving, which is not shown.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Once the collective amount of fleece is cleaned with water and chemicals to get rid of contaminants such as grease, twigs, dried sweat, and other debris, it is taken to a drying machine. Suggested revision: Once the fleece is cleaned, it is dried. Why it matters: The visual shows cleaning followed by drying but does not specify chemicals, contaminants, or a drying machine.
Suggested Rewrites
- which results in tufts of wool and pieces of string as byproducts which produces tufts of wool and separates out string
- being reintroduced into the process to maximize productivity being sent for recycling
- a warehouse for storage storage
- sold used
- individual pastimes, like knitting, or the commercial purpose of making knitting or making
- The diagram illustrates how wool is produced for both personal and industrial use. The diagram illustrates how wool is processed to produce woollen goods.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is fluent, well organised, and gives a clear overview while tracing almost the entire production sequence in a logical order. The main limitation is factual precision: it invents cleaning materials and contaminants, says recycled string is reintroduced into production, and presents the final branches as sales for personal or commercial use. Keep descriptions strictly tied to the labels and arrows, especially the recycling and end-product branches.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and principal sequence are clear and comprehensive, but several unsupported details and an inaccurate account of the string branch reduce precision.
State only that the fleece is cleaned and dried, that string is recycled, and that yarn leads separately to knitting and jackets or carpets.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses smoothly from the initial stage to the final outputs, with clear paragraphing and well-managed sequencing devices.
Make the two branches after carding and spinning even more explicit so their different destinations can be followed immediately.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise process vocabulary is used naturally, with only occasional awkward or over-elaborate choices.
Prefer neutral visual-description terms over speculative phrases such as collective amount, maximize productivity, and commercially made.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few imperfections do not impede communication.
Maintain this control while simplifying clauses that contain several stages or explanatory additions, which will further sharpen accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the different stages in the production of woollen goods
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.