You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. Write a letter to the teacher in charge of the hostel and explain your intention to move to college accommodation. In your letter: - introduce yourself - give reasons why you are not happy with the current accommodation - explain why you think college accommodation will be better for you
Sample Response
Dear Sir/Madam, I am a Science major sophomore in your college. I am originally from Brazil and my student ID number is S2-5487. I would like to request you to arrange suitable accommodation for me in the college hostel as my current housing arrangement is utterly inconvenient and rather expensive. I came to the UK last year and have stayed with a relative for around six months before moving to a private accommodation with a Russian family. I applied for a hostel room to the college authority before moving to the private accommodation but did not get one as a fresher, which I guess is no longer applicable to me. Regrettably, I am having unendurable inconveniences at my current residing arrangement. The traffic kills more than 3 hours per day and I can barely manage my time to study for the exams. The family I live with has frequent guests and parties. I have little privacy there and would like to be near the college to save the time spent on the road. Moreover, being at the heart of the college would allow me to have better interactions with teachers and my classmates. Finally, this would be more pocket-friendly for me. I, hereby, request you to allow me a single room at the college hostel as soon as possible. I would be much obliged. Yours faithfully, Lucas Libra
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural student description Original: a Science major sophomore Suggested revision: a second-year science student Why it matters: The revision uses the standard British English description of the student's year and subject.
- 2. Correct institution preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: A student studies 'at' a college.
- 3. Correct request structure Original: request you to arrange Suggested revision: request that you arrange Why it matters: The formal verb 'request' takes a that-clause in this structure.
- 4. Remove indefinite article Original: to a private accommodation Suggested revision: to private accommodation Why it matters: 'Accommodation' is uncountable and does not take 'a'.
- 5. Correct application pattern Original: applied for a hostel room to the college authority Suggested revision: applied to the college authority for a hostel room Why it matters: A person applies 'to' an authority 'for' something.
- 6. Use natural difficulty phrase Original: unendurable inconveniences Suggested revision: serious difficulties Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and overly dramatic for a formal accommodation request.
- 7. Use standard housing phrase Original: residing Suggested revision: living Why it matters: 'Living arrangement' is the standard expression for housing circumstances.
- 8. Use commute time phrase Original: The traffic kills more than 3 hours per day Suggested revision: Commuting takes more than three hours each day Why it matters: The revision describes time spent travelling naturally and avoids the inappropriate verb 'kills'.
- 9. Use standard salutation Original: Dear Sir/Madam Suggested revision: Dear Sir or Madam Why it matters: The full conjunction is the conventional form in a formal letter.
- 10. Use measured formal tone Original: utterly inconvenient and rather expensive Suggested revision: both inconvenient and expensive Why it matters: The revision states the two problems clearly without uneven intensifiers.
- 11. Use appropriate stative verb Original: having Suggested revision: experiencing Why it matters: 'Experience' is the natural verb for ongoing accommodation difficulties.
- 12. Clarify study-time problem Original: manage my time to study Suggested revision: find enough time to study Why it matters: The revision expresses the effect of the long commute naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- a Science major sophomore a second-year science student
- in at
- request you to arrange request that you arrange
- to a private accommodation to private accommodation
- applied for a hostel room to the college authority applied to the college authority for a hostel room
- unendurable inconveniences serious difficulties
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter introduces the student precisely, explains the long commute, frequent parties, limited privacy, and high cost, and connects each problem to clear benefits of living on campus. Its strongest feature is comprehensive, persuasive task coverage; the main limitation is one-paragraph presentation and some exaggerated or unnatural wording. Prioritise concise formal phrasing and grouped paragraphs for the current problems and requested solution.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose and identity are clear, both remaining bullet points are fully developed, and the formal request is persuasive and relevant.
Trim the earlier housing history and specify a preferred move-in date or semester to make the practical request even more actionable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a logical sequence from introduction and prior application to current difficulties and campus benefits, but one-paragraph presentation limits readability.
Separate personal details, current-accommodation problems, campus benefits, and the final room request into focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of housing and academic vocabulary, though some choices are exaggerated, informal, or unnatural.
Replace 'unendurable inconveniences', 'current residing arrangement', 'traffic kills three hours', and 'pocket-friendly' with precise formal alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are handled with generally good control, despite occasional tense, article, punctuation, and modifier issues.
Use 'I stayed with a relative', 'private accommodation', and a clear clause explaining that first-year priority no longer applies.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. Write a letter to the teacher in charge of the hostel and explain your intention to move to college accommodation. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- give reasons why you are not happy with the current accommodation
- explain why you think college accommodation will be better for you
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.