You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. Write a letter to the teacher in charge of the hostel and explain your intention to move to college accommodation. In your letter: - introduce yourself - give reasons why you are not happy with the current accommodation - explain why you think college accommodation will be better for you
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, The purpose of writing this letterinscribing this missive is to inquire about the availability of a roomavailability of any vacant room to stay in the college hostel. I am experiencing several problems withfacing many obstacles with my current accommodation arrangement and am hoping that you willand hoping that you would allocate me a hostel roomarrange a hostel room for me from 1 August 2019from the beginning of August 2019. I enrolled in the Master of Education programmeenrolled in ‘Master of Education’ atin your college three months ago. I am an international student from Indiaan immigrant from India and before arriving here, I arranged to stay with a family through a private accommodation agency. Unfortunately, this accommodation is a stumbling blockstone in my studies because it is far from the college and takes up a considerable amount of my timeconsumes a great chunk of my time for the daily commute. Moreover, the food, which is often unpalatablewhich I think is not even palatable, is very expensivecosts me an arm and a leg. The current accommodation arrangement, bus fare and cleaning service are a significant financial burdenheavy in my pocket. ConsequentlyResultantly, I want to move into the college hostel due to severalmultifarious benefits. Firstly, it will save me from the daily commute and I can devote my time to my studies. In additionOn top of that, I can share ideas with my classmates and socialize with them more frequently. Last but not least, I can enjoy healthy food and save some money. I hope you will considerHope you will consider my predicament and allocateissue me a room from the beginning of August. Yours faithfully, Neha Sharma
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly introduces the student, explains the cost and commuting problems, and gives several relevant academic, social, and financial benefits of college accommodation. Its main limitation is overly elaborate and sometimes inaccurate wording, such as ‘inscribing this missive’, ‘stumbling stone’, and ‘heavy in my pocket’, compounded by the absence of paragraphing. Prioritise natural formal language and organise the three required points into distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose and all three bullet points are clearly developed with relevant reasons and benefits, despite a slightly overdramatic register.
State the current shared-rental situation more precisely and maintain a straightforward polite tone when requesting the room.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from introduction to current problems and future benefits, but the single paragraph and mechanical listing limit cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for personal details, accommodation problems, and hostel benefits, with less reliance on numbered-style linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, but conspicuous idioms and formal words are often unnatural or inaccurate for a routine accommodation request.
Replace ‘inscribing this missive’, ‘stumbling stone’, ‘heavy in my pocket’, and ‘multifarious’ with clear everyday formal language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence structures is generally controlled, with occasional missing auxiliaries, article errors, and a fragment in the closing request.
Correct forms such as ‘I am hoping’, ‘a Master of Education programme’, and ‘I hope you will consider my request’.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. Write a letter to the teacher in charge of the hostel and explain your intention to move to college accommodation. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- give reasons why you are not happy with the current accommodation
- explain why you think college accommodation will be better for you
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.