You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. Write a letter to the teacher in charge of the hostel and explain your intention to move to college accommodation. In your letter: - introduce yourself - give reasons why you are not happy with the current accommodation - explain why you think college accommodation will be better for you
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, The purpose of inscribing this missive is to inquire about the availability of any vacant room to stay in the college hostel. I am facing many obstacles with my current accommodation arrangement and hoping that you would arrange a hostel room for me from the beginning of August 2019. I enrolled in ‘Master of Education’ in your college three months ago. I am an immigrant from India and before arriving here, I arranged to stay with a family through a private accommodation agency. Unfortunately, this accommodation is a stumbling stone in my studies because it is far from the college and consumes a great chunk of my time for the daily commute. Moreover, the food, which I think is not even palatable, costs me an arm and a leg. The current accommodation arrangement, bus fare and cleaning service are heavy in my pocket. Resultantly, I want to move into the college hostel due to multifarious benefits. Firstly, it will save me from the daily commute and I can devote my time to my studies. On top of that, I can share ideas with my classmates and socialize with them more frequently. Last but not least, I can enjoy healthy food and save some money. Hope you will consider my predicament and issue me a room from the beginning of August. Yours faithfully, Neha Sharma
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural formal wording Original: inscribing this missive Suggested revision: writing this letter Why it matters: The original phrase is archaic and excessively ornate for a practical request to a teacher.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: availability of any vacant room Suggested revision: availability of a room Why it matters: A room described as available is already understood to be vacant.
- 3. Use natural problem phrase Original: facing many obstacles with Suggested revision: experiencing several problems with Why it matters: One experiences problems ‘with’ an arrangement rather than faces obstacles with it.
- 4. Add auxiliary verb Original: and hoping that you would Suggested revision: and am hoping that you will Why it matters: The coordinated present-progressive clause requires the auxiliary ‘am’.
- 5. Use accommodation collocation Original: arrange a hostel room for me Suggested revision: allocate me a hostel room Why it matters: A room is formally ‘allocated’ to a student.
- 6. State start date concisely Original: from the beginning of August 2019 Suggested revision: from 1 August 2019 Why it matters: The exact date is clearer and more concise than ‘the beginning of’.
- 7. Add programme article Original: enrolled in ‘Master of Education’ Suggested revision: enrolled in the Master of Education programme Why it matters: A named degree programme requires the article ‘the’ and a clear head noun.
- 8. Use institution preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Students enrol or study ‘at’ an institution.
- 9. Use student context Original: an immigrant from India Suggested revision: an international student from India Why it matters: The revised description is directly relevant to the college accommodation request.
- 10. Fix idiom Original: stone Suggested revision: block Why it matters: The established expression for an obstacle is ‘a stumbling block’.
- 11. Use professional wording Original: consumes a great chunk of my time Suggested revision: takes up a considerable amount of my time Why it matters: ‘A great chunk’ is too conversational for this formal request.
- 12. State concern tactfully Original: which I think is not even palatable Suggested revision: which is often unpalatable Why it matters: The revision presents the complaint more concisely and diplomatically.
Suggested Rewrites
- inscribing this missive writing this letter
- availability of any vacant room availability of a room
- facing many obstacles with experiencing several problems with
- and hoping that you would and am hoping that you will
- arrange a hostel room for me allocate me a hostel room
- from the beginning of August 2019 from 1 August 2019
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly introduces the student, explains the cost and commuting problems, and gives several relevant academic, social, and financial benefits of college accommodation. Its main limitation is overly elaborate and sometimes inaccurate wording, such as ‘inscribing this missive’, ‘stumbling stone’, and ‘heavy in my pocket’, compounded by the absence of paragraphing. Prioritise natural formal language and organise the three required points into distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose and all three bullet points are clearly developed with relevant reasons and benefits, despite a slightly overdramatic register.
State the current shared-rental situation more precisely and maintain a straightforward polite tone when requesting the room.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from introduction to current problems and future benefits, but the single paragraph and mechanical listing limit cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for personal details, accommodation problems, and hostel benefits, with less reliance on numbered-style linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, but conspicuous idioms and formal words are often unnatural or inaccurate for a routine accommodation request.
Replace ‘inscribing this missive’, ‘stumbling stone’, ‘heavy in my pocket’, and ‘multifarious’ with clear everyday formal language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence structures is generally controlled, with occasional missing auxiliaries, article errors, and a fragment in the closing request.
Correct forms such as ‘I am hoping’, ‘a Master of Education programme’, and ‘I hope you will consider my request’.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. Write a letter to the teacher in charge of the hostel and explain your intention to move to college accommodation. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- give reasons why you are not happy with the current accommodation
- explain why you think college accommodation will be better for you
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.