You took your young child, who had severe stomach pains, to a hospital Emergency Department. You waited almost four hours before a doctor treated your child and other staff constantly ignored you. Write a letter to the Hospital Registrar. In your letter: - describe the long wait for treatment - explain how the other staff treated you - complain about the service you received
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my utter dissatisfaction with your hospital's emergency service that I experienced last Monday when I took my six-year-old daughter to your hospital. I am hoping you will take this complaint seriously and take the necessary actions. On Monday evening, my daughter Angela, all of a sudden, complained about stomach pain, and it got severe every passing minute. In an hour, I rushed to your hospital's emergency department expecting speedy treatment for my daughter. But on the contrary, I faced harsh negligence from the hospital staff. As my daughter's condition was deteriorating and she was crying relentlessly, I requested them to make an urgent appointment with a doctor. But, after waiting for four long hours, a doctor treated her. He told me that it was a serious case of food poisoning and that my daughter needed urgent treatment as it could have been fatal. He immediately admitted her to the hospital. I was terrified after hearing it from the doctor. I continuously pleaded with the staff for an urgent appointment, but they completely ignored my request.
This sort of negligence will hurt your hospital's reputation and set bad examples. I request you to take this matter sincerely and try to improve your emergency department's service as the term emergency does not suit it currently. I hope to get a reply soon regarding the action you are likely to take. Yours faithfully, John Louis [Penned by - Sabrina Qamar]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the service collocation Original: emergency service that I experienced Suggested revision: emergency service I received Why it matters: A patient receives a service rather than experiences a service in this context.
- 2. Use singular action Original: actions Suggested revision: action Why it matters: “Action” is normally uncountable when referring generally to corrective measures.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: got severe every passing minute Suggested revision: became more severe with every passing minute Why it matters: This collocation correctly describes a condition worsening progressively.
- 4. Clarify elapsed time Original: In Suggested revision: Within Why it matters: “Within” expresses that the hospital visit occurred before an hour had passed.
- 5. Use the right contrast Original: But on the contrary Suggested revision: However Why it matters: “On the contrary” refutes a preceding statement, whereas this sentence introduces an unexpected contrast.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: harsh Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: “Serious negligence” is the natural collocation for a grave failure of care.
- 7. Describe emergency treatment Original: make an urgent appointment with a doctor Suggested revision: arrange an urgent consultation with a doctor Why it matters: A consultation is more appropriate than an appointment in an emergency department.
- 8. Fix the transition Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: The comma after “But” is incorrect, and “However” provides a smoother formal transition.
- 9. Clarify the pronoun Original: it Suggested revision: this Why it matters: “This” clearly refers to the information the doctor had just given.
- 10. Use concise formal wording Original: all of a sudden Suggested revision: suddenly Why it matters: The single adverb is more concise and appropriate for a formal complaint.
- 11. Emphasize the severity Original: stomach pain Suggested revision: severe stomach pain Why it matters: Including the stated severity strengthens the explanation of why urgent treatment was necessary.
- 12. Use formal wording Original: speedy Suggested revision: prompt Why it matters: “Prompt treatment” is the more natural formal collocation in a hospital complaint.
Suggested Rewrites
- emergency service that I experienced emergency service I received
- actions action
- got severe every passing minute became more severe with every passing minute
- In Within
- But on the contrary However
- harsh serious
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter clearly communicates a serious complaint, explains the four-hour wait and staff neglect in relevant detail, and maintains an appropriately formal, forceful tone. Its main limitation is imprecise collocation, with phrases such as “harsh negligence,” “make an urgent appointment,” and “take this matter sincerely” sounding unnatural. Prioritize replacing these combinations with idiomatic formal wording while retaining the strong factual development and clear requested action.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is immediately clear, all three bullet points are fully covered, and the complaint is supported with specific and persuasive detail in a suitable register.
Make the requested institutional response slightly more concrete by asking for an investigation and confirmation of measures to prevent a recurrence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account develops in a clear chronological sequence and concludes with a logical request, though the long central paragraph could be more evenly organized.
Split the central account so the four-hour wait and the staff’s conduct each receive a focused paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a strong range of formal and emotive vocabulary, but several inaccurate collocations make parts of the complaint sound unnatural.
Replace phrases such as harsh negligence, make an urgent appointment, and take this matter sincerely with serious neglect, arrange an urgent consultation, and treat this matter seriously.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and generally accurate, with occasional awkward comparative, article, and reference choices that do not obscure meaning.
Polish forms such as became more severe with every passing minute and after hearing this from the doctor, while checking article use in formal noun phrases.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You took your young child, who had severe stomach pains, to a hospital Emergency Department. You waited almost four hours before a doctor treated your child and other staff constantly ignored you. Write a letter to the Hospital Registrar. In your letter:
- describe the long wait for treatment
- explain how the other staff treated you
- complain about the service you received
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.