You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter: - explain why you would like the job - give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ - say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter in response to an advertisement, published last week in one of the leading Australian family magazines, where you asked for a short term live-in caregiver for your six-year-old child. I have proper experiences to take the best care of your child, and I would like to take the job. I am confident that I would be able to render a great service in taking care of your child since I have had a good experience in raising a couple of younger siblings as the eldest child of my family. Besides, I love children since I consider them as a bundle of joy, and that is why I took care of some young children as a babysitter in my hometown. In fact, I find children so special that I have taken a short online course on parenting so that I could relate to them in a better way. By the way, I recently came to visit Australia from my home country at the invitation of my uncle in order to live with him for the next six months or so. And, while I am in Australia, I would also love to explore this beautiful country and learn about the lifestyles and culture of its people in addition to taking care of your child should you choose to offer me the job. Yours faithfully, Daria Olga
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove interrupting comma Original: advertisement, published last week Suggested revision: advertisement published last week Why it matters: The defining participial phrase should not be separated from "advertisement" by a comma.
- 2. Use correct relative Original: where you asked Suggested revision: in which you asked Why it matters: An advertisement is a text in which a request appears, not a place where it occurs.
- 3. Hyphenate modifier Original: short term Suggested revision: short-term Why it matters: The compound adjective before "live-in caregiver" should be hyphenated.
- 4. Use uncountable experience Original: proper experiences Suggested revision: relevant experience Why it matters: Work experience is uncountable here, and "relevant" precisely expresses suitability.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: take the best care of Suggested revision: take good care of Why it matters: "Take good care of" is the standard collocation in this context.
- 6. State application purpose Original: take the job Suggested revision: apply for the position Why it matters: The parents have not yet offered the role, so the writer is applying for it.
- 7. Use direct wording Original: render a great service in taking care of Suggested revision: provide excellent care for Why it matters: The concise phrase sounds natural and professional in a childcare application.
- 8. Remove count phrase Original: have had a good experience Suggested revision: have experience Why it matters: "Experience" is uncountable when referring generally to childcare practice.
- 9. Fix preposition Original: eldest child of my family Suggested revision: eldest child in my family Why it matters: A person's position is described as being in a family.
- 10. Remove extra as Original: consider them as Suggested revision: consider them Why it matters: The verb "consider" takes a direct object complement without "as."
- 11. Match plural reference Original: a bundle of joy Suggested revision: bundles of joy Why it matters: The plural pronoun "them" requires a plural complement.
- 12. Use course collocation Original: taken a short online course Suggested revision: completed a short online course Why it matters: A learner normally completes a course when presenting it as a qualification.
Suggested Rewrites
- advertisement, published last week advertisement published last week
- where you asked in which you asked
- short term short-term
- proper experiences relevant experience
- take the best care of take good care of
- take the job apply for the position
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter responds directly and persuasively, using relevant childcare experience, family responsibility and training to establish suitability while also addressing motivation and free-time plans. Its main limitation is a cluster of unnatural collocations and the single-block organisation, so the highest priority is to create separate paragraphs for motivation, qualifications and plans and use natural phrases such as relevant experience, provide excellent care and learn about Australian culture.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response clearly expresses interest, gives several persuasive reasons for suitability, and explains relevant plans for free time in an appropriately formal application.
Make the motivation for this particular six-month role more specific by linking the job to the writer’s childcare interests and stay in Australia.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the application to experience, personal motivation and free-time plans, but the single paragraph and some casual connectors weaken organisation.
Divide the letter by the three requested points and replace By the way and sentence-initial And with more purposeful transitions.
Lexical Resource
The letter displays a good range of childcare and application vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Use relevant experience, provide excellent care, childcare training and learn about Australian culture instead of proper experiences, render a great service and lifestyles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is used with generally clear control, although countability, tense and relative-clause errors recur.
Correct structures such as experience rather than experiences, an advertisement in which you asked, and I came to Australia to stay with my uncle.
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