You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what experience and special skills you have - explain why you are interested in the job
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to apply for a part-time job in your museum shop during the holiday. I am very keen to have a part-time job during this summer vacation, specifically in a shop where I would be able to learn and meet people from diverse backgrounds. I am hoping that you would consider my application and give me the chance to work for you. I am a teacher in an elementary grammar school and I teach history. I am 26 years old and have completed my graduation from arts major. I can speak English, Sinhala and Tamil fluently. Last year, I worked in a large bookshop during my vacation and enjoyed it very much. I would like to meet new people and serve my position with dedication, commitment and hard work. I enjoyed going to your museum a few months ago and I spent a considerable amount of time there. I visited your museum shop with a team and I am familiar with the types of items your store sells to visitors. I think you will be kind enough to consider me as a suitable candidate for this position. I look forward to hearing from you soon and further discuss my candidacy for the job. Yours faithfully, Ama Nikole
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct qualification phrase Original: have completed my graduation from arts major Suggested revision: have completed a degree in the arts Why it matters: The original qualification phrase is not grammatically formed in standard English.
- 2. Use correct role phrase Original: serve my position Suggested revision: perform in this role Why it matters: A person performs in a role rather than serving a position.
- 3. Correct consider pattern Original: kind enough to consider me as Suggested revision: consider me Why it matters: ‘Consider’ takes the candidate directly before the complement ‘a suitable candidate’.
- 4. Fix parallel structure Original: look forward to hearing from you soon and further discuss Suggested revision: look forward to hearing from you soon and to discussing Why it matters: Both coordinated activities after ‘look forward to’ need parallel gerund constructions.
- 5. Match advertised period Original: during the holiday Suggested revision: during the holidays Why it matters: The plural form matches the job period stated in the advertisement.
- 6. Use active job phrase Original: very keen to have Suggested revision: keen to take on Why it matters: ‘Take on a part-time job’ is more natural than ‘have a part-time job’.
- 7. Use concise timing Original: during this summer vacation Suggested revision: this summer Why it matters: The shorter phrase avoids repeating ‘during’ and ‘part-time job’ in the same sentence.
- 8. Focus on the role Original: specifically in a shop where Suggested revision: particularly in a role where Why it matters: The application concerns a position, so ‘role’ is more precise than the shop itself.
- 9. Create functional paragraphs Suggested revision: Separate the opening purpose, qualifications and experience, reasons for interest, and closing request into short paragraphs. Why it matters: The single block makes the application harder to scan despite its logical content.
- 10. Link skills to duties Suggested revision: Connect the three languages, history teaching, and bookshop experience directly to assisting museum visitors and handling shop work. Why it matters: The skills are relevant but their value to the advertised position is mostly left implicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- have completed my graduation from arts major have completed a degree in the arts
- serve my position perform in this role
- kind enough to consider me as consider me
- look forward to hearing from you soon and further discuss look forward to hearing from you soon and to discussing
- during the holiday during the holidays
- very keen to have keen to take on
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly applies for the position and gives a relevant professional profile, language skills, bookshop experience, and familiarity with the museum. Its main limitations are the absence of paragraphing and several awkward qualification and employment phrases, which make an otherwise suitable formal application less polished. Organise the three requested areas into focused paragraphs and express education and experience with more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are covered with relevant detail, and the formal register is consistently suitable.
Strengthen the interest section by linking the applicant’s history teaching and museum knowledge more directly to the shop role.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a sensible sequence, but presenting the entire letter as one paragraph weakens the visibility of each requested point.
Use separate paragraphs for the application purpose, qualifications and experience, and reasons for interest.
Lexical Resource
The response shows useful range for an application, though phrases such as ‘completed my graduation from arts major’ and ‘serve my position’ are unnatural.
Use standard professional collocations such as ‘graduated with an arts degree’ and ‘perform the role with dedication’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are well controlled and include varied structures, with a few errors in complementation and parallel verb forms.
Correct constructions such as ‘look forward to hearing from you and discussing’ so coordinated verbs follow the same grammatical pattern.
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