You work in an office and have recently been experiencing a health problem. You think that the problem started because of the working conditions in the office. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - describe the health problem - explain why you think it was caused by conditions in the office - suggest what the manager should do to improve the working conditions in the office
Sample Response
Dear sir,
Greeting of the day!!
I’m Shriya Mishra Cigna department, employees id:-:-:-:-: want you to address an issue regarding health issue I’m facing while working. I would like to concern that I have been suffering from extreme headaches for the last few weeks.
At the onset, I would like you to know that when I have started encountering excruciating headaches, then I decided to go to the doc for a checkup. I told my doc that I Was facing a lot of trouble with my headache, and my vision was getting blurrier. They told me because of insufficient lighting, and you are facing this issue.
I request you to please see to this matter as keeping employees healthy at first. My concern is that there should be proper lighting in our cubicles so that we can easily work as we have to sit prolonged in front of a computer screen.
In addition, I would say that this same issue has been encountered by other departments too. Employees health has been degrading because of this. Thus considering this plight, kindly do needful as soon as possible by renovating lighting system.
Yours’ Sincerely,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalize formal title Original: sir Suggested revision: Sir Why it matters: Capitalize the title in this formal salutation.
- 2. Correct verb choice Original: concern Suggested revision: explain Why it matters: Concern cannot be used transitively to introduce the health problem in this structure.
- 3. Use natural transition Original: At the onset Suggested revision: Initially Why it matters: Initially is the natural transition for introducing the first stage of events.
- 4. Correct tense structure Original: when I have started encountering Suggested revision: when I started experiencing Why it matters: Use the simple past for the completed decision point and a natural verb for symptoms.
- 5. Use formal wording Original: go to the doc Suggested revision: visit a doctor Why it matters: Doctor is more appropriate than the informal abbreviation in a workplace letter.
- 6. Correct capitalization Original: Was Suggested revision: was Why it matters: Was should not be capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
- 7. Clarify the symptom Original: trouble with my headache Suggested revision: severe headaches Why it matters: The replacement states the recurring symptom directly and avoids an unnatural collocation.
- 8. Improve request phrase Original: see to this matter Suggested revision: look into this matter Why it matters: Look into this matter is the natural formal phrase for requesting an investigation.
- 9. Clarify the reason Original: as keeping employees healthy at first Suggested revision: because employee health should be a priority Why it matters: The replacement supplies a complete and grammatically clear reason for the request.
- 10. Correct adverbial phrase Original: sit prolonged Suggested revision: sit for prolonged periods Why it matters: For prolonged periods is the correct expression for an extended duration.
- 11. Name affected people Original: encountered by other departments Suggested revision: experienced by employees in other departments Why it matters: Employees experience the health issue, whereas departments themselves cannot experience it.
- 12. Add possessive apostrophe Original: Employees health Suggested revision: Employees' health Why it matters: The plural possessive requires an apostrophe after employees.
Suggested Rewrites
- sir Sir
- concern explain
- At the onset Initially
- when I have started encountering when I started experiencing
- go to the doc visit a doctor
- Was was
Why this response received Band 5.5
The letter addresses the health problem, links it to inadequate office lighting, and proposes a relevant remedy, so the central message remains clear. Its main weakness is frequent inaccurate sentence construction and word choice, which repeatedly makes the formal request sound unnatural and occasionally obscures relationships between ideas. The priority is to rebuild the opening and explanation using complete sentences, accurate possessives, and natural workplace collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are addressed with relevant details, although the purpose and professional tone are weakened by the garbled introduction and informal wording.
State the purpose cleanly at the outset and maintain a consistently professional register when describing the medical advice and requested action.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a sensible sequence from symptoms to cause and solution, but some linking is mechanical and several sentences connect ideas unclearly.
Use simpler topic sentences and explicit cause-and-effect links to show how the lighting produced the symptoms and how the proposed change would help.
Lexical Resource
There is some useful range in words such as excruciating and insufficient, but frequent collocational errors and informal choices reduce precision.
Use natural formal combinations such as raise a concern, prolonged periods, employees' health, and improve the lighting system.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, verb forms, articles, possessives, and agreement sometimes strain clarity.
Prioritise complete subject-verb structures and check tense, articles, and possessive apostrophes in every sentence before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You work in an office and have recently been experiencing a health problem. You think that the problem started because of the working conditions in the office. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- describe the health problem
- explain why you think it was caused by conditions in the office
- suggest what the manager should do to improve the working conditions in the office
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.