You work in an office and have recently been experiencing a health problem. You think that the problem started because of the working conditions in the office. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - describe the health problem - explain why you think it was caused by conditions in the office - suggest what the manager should do to improve the working conditions in the office
Sample Response
Dear Sirsir,
Greeting of the day!!
I’m Shriya Mishra Cigna department, employees id:-:-:-:-: want you to address an issue regarding health issue I’m facing while working. I would like to explainconcern that I have been suffering from extreme headaches for the last few weeks.
InitiallyAt the onset, I would like you to know that when I started experiencingwhen I have started encountering excruciating headaches, then I decided to visit a doctorgo to the doc for a checkup. I told my doc that I wasWas facing a lot of severe headachestrouble with my headache, and my vision was getting blurrier. They told me because of insufficient lighting, and you are facing this issue.
I request you to please look into this mattersee to this matter because employee health should be a priorityas keeping employees healthy at first. My concern is that there should be proper lighting in our cubicles so that we can easily work as we have to sit for prolonged periodssit prolonged in front of a computer screen.
In addition, I would say that this same issue has been experienced by employees in other departmentsencountered by other departments too. Employees' healthEmployees health has been degrading because of this. Therefore, considering this problem,Thus considering this plight, kindly take the necessary actiondo needful as soon as possible by upgrading the lighting systemrenovating lighting system.
Yours sincerely,Yours’ Sincerely,
Why this response received Band 5.5
The letter addresses the health problem, links it to inadequate office lighting, and proposes a relevant remedy, so the central message remains clear. Its main weakness is frequent inaccurate sentence construction and word choice, which repeatedly makes the formal request sound unnatural and occasionally obscures relationships between ideas. The priority is to rebuild the opening and explanation using complete sentences, accurate possessives, and natural workplace collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are addressed with relevant details, although the purpose and professional tone are weakened by the garbled introduction and informal wording.
State the purpose cleanly at the outset and maintain a consistently professional register when describing the medical advice and requested action.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a sensible sequence from symptoms to cause and solution, but some linking is mechanical and several sentences connect ideas unclearly.
Use simpler topic sentences and explicit cause-and-effect links to show how the lighting produced the symptoms and how the proposed change would help.
Lexical Resource
There is some useful range in words such as excruciating and insufficient, but frequent collocational errors and informal choices reduce precision.
Use natural formal combinations such as raise a concern, prolonged periods, employees' health, and improve the lighting system.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, verb forms, articles, possessives, and agreement sometimes strain clarity.
Prioritise complete subject-verb structures and check tense, articles, and possessive apostrophes in every sentence before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You work in an office and have recently been experiencing a health problem. You think that the problem started because of the working conditions in the office. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- describe the health problem
- explain why you think it was caused by conditions in the office
- suggest what the manager should do to improve the working conditions in the office
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.